Going Down - The Art of Crashing
Welcome to the taboo world of the crash. What they're about, why they happen and how not to have them. All you ever wanted to know about something you don't want to do
   Painful, expensive, embarrassing, sometimes very sad, sometimes downright hilarious, crashing and motorbikes have gone together like MPs and mistresses since man first attached two wheels to an engine. They are the Yin to motorcycling's Yang, the misunderstood bastard offspring of motorcycling's loins, and the one part of riding we could all do without. Or could we? I don't think so. Because without crashing where would be the fun in riding? If we couldn't crash, going fast would merely be a matter of opening the throttle and the fastest rider would always be the one with the most cash and the latest missile (with engine blueprint, hot cams, big bore, race system, turbo, go-faster anodised bolts, matching bar-ends and go-faster purple headlight cover of course. Ahem). The skill of riding, the very essence of its satisfaction, would be lost. No longer would you be able to edge towards your bike's limits and dance on the heady twilight of adhesion with the adrenalin pumping into your brain like a neat, cold, tequila shot because those limits wouldn't exist anymore. Fast riding would be no different to playing an arcade game and every Herbert would be at it. Why shouldn't they? After all, the only reason people don't get into bikes is because they don't see the potential risk (crashing) as worth it. You know as well as I do this risk is way lower than the non-biking majority perceive it to be, but we don't want them to know that just yet, eh? After all, if they thought riding was safe our badassed, thrill-seeking public image would be in tatters. Take the risk out of biking altogether and it becomes as safe as knitting. Oh dear. Nope, we need crashing and that's that. From the 10mph topple in the drive all the way through to the 130mph GP highside, they're all a part of the experience. Not to say they're all good. No way, because smashed limbs, hospital food, death - yes, it does happen although it's as likely to come from an errant rollerskate at the top of the stairs as from being on a bike - and the sheer mental and financial anguish of turning your P&J (that's 'pride and joy') into scrap aren't exactly experiences to relish. But without lows, you don't get highs and as bikes are all about seeing, feeling and tasting a little more of life beyond the everyday norm, it stands to reason this can apply to the bad stuff too. Then again, there's the upside to crashing. Like the stories. Once the crashing's all over, the damage assessed and the injury pinpointed as no more than dented pride and a sprained wallet, crashes can be very funny. Take the example of my mate (who shall remain nameless) who, following a massive row with the missus, stormed out of the house at three am, leapt on his bike, gave it massive revs and went to make a dramatic departure, leaving his guilt-wracked tearful girlfriend pitifully calling his name into the empty night. At least that was the plan... Unfortunately, cold tyres and greasy tarmac conspired to highside him immediately into a parked car ten feet away before the bike landed on top of him and pinned him to the road. She'd already shut the door and he spent ten minutes stricken underneath it before she relented and came to his rescue. And inherent in any good crash story is survival. After all, whichever way you slice it, getting hurt sucks, and even when you are alright the financial implications of a spill can still hurt. But, walking away from a major off at the track is an awesome feeling. Looking down on the tarmac from a vantage point 15-feet up while traveling backwards well in excess of the motorway speed limit is not something most people get to do and is an experience you should make the most of should it happen. The same goes for the graceful lowside slither into the gravel and the earth-sky-earth-sky-oh-no-not-the-collarbones tumble across the grass. If you find yourself in any of these situations, relax, kick back and enjoy the ride. After all, what else can you do? CRASHING: HOW THE BODY REACTSMost crashes are preceded by a massive stab of fear and involuntary expletives as you realise it's all gone tits up and your previously peaceful ride has now, for whatever reason, become an altogether different animal. Whether it's the instant the car ten feet away pulls out, or the moment you just know you're running into a corner 30mph too hot, or even one of those crashes where you're halfway through and staring at the front wheel before you know it's happening, your body goes into 'fight or flight' mode. Essentially, you become turbocharged to give you the best chance of survival, and this little response is all thanks to our cavemen ancestors who faced death and fear on a daily basis in the form of wooly mammoths and the like. Medically, the amygdaloid nuclei and hypothalamus in the middle of your brain send the 'disaster imminent' message out and the process begins. You get a massive surge of adrenalin and glucose energy, while your breathing gets heavier all for maximum energy, your heart rate rockets and blood flies to your muscles where it's needed and leaves your abdomen and stomach where it's not (this is what causes butterflies by the way), your pupils dilate, the ciliary muscle in the eyes relaxes letting you see further than normal to make the most of your now super-alert brain. Oh, and your sphincter contracts to minimise possible mess... So now you're off the bike, mid-crash, and seeing everything in perfect slow-mo clarity. Why the slow-mo? It's all part of your turbo-brain and senses now taking in far more detail than normal. There's no medical explanation as to why it always goes so quiet at this stage, but it's probably just down to your sudden closing off the throttle and ejecting from the bike which take you away from all the noise you've been surrounded until the instant you crashed. Then it's back to earth with a bump and it's all over. It's taken a split second and you're still wired to the nuts on adrenalin. On the blacker side of things, this means if you are badly hurt you're unlikely to feel a thing. On the other hand, if you are largely okay, the adrenalin is what gives you the superhuman strength to lift your bike up in front of the 30 pedestrians invariably watching. Now you're into the comedown phase. Injured or not, you're going to feel whacked out, perhaps a bit spaced-out and anyone who's ever smoked is going to want 20 Marlboro reds as soon as possible, no matter how long since they last touched the evil weed. As for the future, chances are you're going to feel funny about riding again, no matter how well you are physically, but the only way through this is to get straight back on. If you're still dead nervy after a couple of days, get yourself on an advanced training course and get someone who knows their stuff to ease you back into the groove. ROAD CRASHES: AVOID 'EMGary Baldwin is an accident investigation officer with Thames Valley police, an ex bike racer and advanced instructor. What he doesn't know about riding and crashing would fit on the back of a stamp. Here are his top crash causes: 1 Too fast past junctions: "it's always the same this one. Car pulls out, bike hits car, rider gets mangled. Sounds like the car's fault? Not so. More often than not on open roads when we piece it back together, turns out the bike was going so fast it wasn't there when the car driver looked, but appeared in the split second it took for them to look back and pull out." 2 Giving up: "rider goes into corner, thinks he's going too fast, panics, hits the brakes, runs straight on and invariably hits something hard. Trouble is, analysis afterwards nearly always shows the rider wasn't anywhere near the maximum possible speed for getting round the bend." 3 Untidy Overtaking: "bike overtakes car as car turns right. Of course the driver should have been checking their mirrors before turning, but if you're dead who cares who's fault it was?" 5 Look where you're going: "not just where you are now, but where you're going to be. The further ahead you're looking and planning, the better prepared you are to take evasive action and avoid dodgy situations before they happen. If you can't take in enough information as you go, chances are you're going too fast. Back it off a touch." CRASHING ON THE TRACKRoad test ed Niall Mac's had his share of track crashes (400-plus at last count). Here's what he's learnt: Trackdays: Don't Fall Off 1 Stay calm: "Easier said than done but if you're into a corner too hot, or think you are, chill out, look where you want to go and stay off the front brake. Chances are you'll make it round fine. And if someone ahead comes off, resist the temptation to brake - chances are they'll go straight by you anyway. And if they don't, by staying calm you've got a better chance of missing them anyway." 2 Don't go too mad too early: "most trackday crashes I see are in the morning. It takes a bit of discipline but spend the morning getting into it, learning (or re-learning) the track and building up your speed session by session. Oh, and watch out for cold tyres on the first few laps of each session... At the same time, don't go bananas in the last session either. Even though you feel right on it after a day's riding, you're concentration will be down and your tyres'll be shot too - a perfect recipe for a cartwheeling mess of bike bits and limbs if ever I saw one." 3 Take breaks: "If you feel tired out or stressed, back it off and chill out in the pits for a while. Have a drink, a light bite and go back out when you've recharged. You'll be less likely to crash and you'll be faster too." GETTING IT WRONG - TWO STAFF 'FESS UP
Name: Bertie, assistant editor Name: Sonic, associate editor Name: Niall Mackenzie, road test editor Thanks to: Dr Meng Aw Yeng for medical know-how, and Gary Baldwin for road crash nouse. If you fancy a spot of advanced training with some relaxed chaps, you could do worse than bell his firm, Rapid Training (01296) 715904 This feature was first published in the March 2002 issue of TWO |
Painful, expensive, embarrassing, sometimes very sad, sometimes downright hilarious, crashing and motorbikes have gone together like MPs and mistresses since man first attached two wheels to an engine. They are the Yin to motorcycling's Yang, the misunderstood bastard offspring of motorcycling's loins, and the one part of riding we could all do without.
Or could we? I don't think so.
Because without crashing where would be the fun in riding? If we couldn't crash, going fast would merely be a matter of opening the throttle and the fastest rider would always be the one with the most cash and the latest missile (with engine blueprint, hot cams, big bore, race system, turbo, go-faster anodised bolts, matching bar-ends and go-faster purple headlight cover of course. Ahem). The skill of riding, the very essence of its satisfaction, would be lost. No longer would you be able to edge towards your bike's limits and dance on the heady twilight of adhesion with the adrenalin pumping into your brain like a neat, cold, tequila shot because those limits wouldn't exist anymore.
Fast riding would be no different to playing an arcade game and every Herbert would be at it. Why shouldn't they? After all, the only reason people don't get into bikes is because they don't see the potential risk (crashing) as worth it. You know as well as I do this risk is way lower than the non-biking majority perceive it to be, but we don't want them to know that just yet, eh? After all, if they thought riding was safe our badassed, thrill-seeking public image would be in tatters. Take the risk out of biking altogether and it becomes as safe as knitting. Oh dear.
Nope, we need crashing and that's that. From the 10mph topple in the drive all the way through to the 130mph GP highside, they're all a part of the experience.
Not to say they're all good. No way, because smashed limbs, hospital food, death - yes, it does happen although it's as likely to come from an errant rollerskate at the top of the stairs as from being on a bike - and the sheer mental and financial anguish of turning your P&J (that's 'pride and joy') into scrap aren't exactly experiences to relish. But without lows, you don't get highs and as bikes are all about seeing, feeling and tasting a little more of life beyond the everyday norm, it stands to reason this can apply to the bad stuff too.
Then again, there's the upside to crashing. Like the stories. Once the crashing's all over, the damage assessed and the injury pinpointed as no more than dented pride and a sprained wallet, crashes can be very funny.
Take the example of my mate (who shall remain nameless) who, following a massive row with the missus, stormed out of the house at three am, leapt on his bike, gave it massive revs and went to make a dramatic departure, leaving his guilt-wracked tearful girlfriend pitifully calling his name into the empty night. At least that was the plan... Unfortunately, cold tyres and greasy tarmac conspired to highside him immediately into a parked car ten feet away before the bike landed on top of him and pinned him to the road. She'd already shut the door and he spent ten minutes stricken underneath it before she relented and came to his rescue.
And inherent in any good crash story is survival. After all, whichever way you slice it, getting hurt sucks, and even when you are alright the financial implications of a spill can still hurt. But, walking away from a major off at the track is an awesome feeling. Looking down on the tarmac from a vantage point 15-feet up while traveling backwards well in excess of the motorway speed limit is not something most people get to do and is an experience you should make the most of should it happen. The same goes for the graceful lowside slither into the gravel and the earth-sky-earth-sky-oh-no-not-the-collarbones tumble across the grass. If you find yourself in any of these situations, relax, kick back and enjoy the ride. After all, what else can you do?
