Whitham's Moped Marathon

Our plan, to ride a bunch of 1970s sports mopeds from coast to coast, seemed like it would be quite a challenge until I called the hotel in Kirkby Lonsdale to book our first night away.

The receptionist said: "Oh yes, we get a lot of people staying here who're doing the John O'Groats to Lands End run on bicycles." That showed me, 780 miles on a bicycle is a real challenge. Nevertheless, I couldn't help thinking 400 miles, over three days, on 30-year-old 'peds would be more enjoyable looking back on it than at the time.

I was wrong. The trip ended up being one of the most enjoyable and funniest episodes involving bikes I've ever been on. No, really!

The nostalgic/optimistic/stupid middle-aged participants were: Jamie, bike shop owner riding a Suzuki AP50; 'Boff' (so named coz he produces more gas than the North Sea), riding a Yamaha FS1-E; 'Bald Bob' riding another AP50; Shoey on yet another AP; me on my Fizzer; Mike, a local publican on a '72 TS50 Suzuki; and Marcus, aboard a modern but old-looking 'Dream 50' Honda.

This last bike was produced to mark Honda's 50th anniversary and should never have been allowed to take part, but the fact was we thought our Fizzies and APs would blow it into the weeds. I think our opinion was based solely on the fact that I heard it running once and it sounded shit, or maybe because Honda's original 70s moped, the SS50, had so little power it would struggle to pull an asylum seeker out from under your strawberry net. We thought the Honda would be dog slow.

We were wrong.  We set off from Huddersfield in a blue haze of two-stroke smoke followed by Jamie's girlfriend, Jo, in a van. The van contained our luggage and some spares and would follow us round the whole route, partly because at our time of life we don't want to do anything the hard way, but mostly because we weren't sure if all, or indeed any of these old rippers would go the distance.