Superbikes are not for spastics

You wait all week to go out for a blast and then what do you get..?

Getting on my bike and looking at the heat wobbles on the tarmac, the first proper hot day when I'm not working, and I'm off for the first decent ride of the summer. What could possibly ruin it? A caravan club convoy? A lorries worth of spilt diesel? Some bimbling smidsy? Or ..heaven forbid, no, it couldn't be ..other bikers?

Increasingly I find my sunny days scratching in the beautiful countryside in which I live, thoroughly crapped on by rolling roadblocks consisting of legions of wobbling retards on shiny litre bikes and sporting even shinier shiny kneesliders.

Its not that I'm against fair weather bikers nor am I using this rant as a willy wave about how much faster I am, or even to diminish the right to ride a bike the way you enjoy it.. Actually that's a lie, some things should just never be done. Riding a sportsbike like a cruiser is like hiring a 500 quid slapper and getting her to cook you a Sunday roast.. But this is different.

Picture the scene: rolling hills, tyres like squidgy black, silver puddles of heat shimmering off the roads, arcing round a corner grinning from ear to ear. Up ahead are three other bikes riding 3 abreast, all tribal patterned leathers, straight arms and bolt upright.

In front of them a couple of cars. Get up close and notice they are all riding 3 brand spanking new Gixxer thous with numberplates indicating they were all bought at exactly the same time. Be afraid..

Then the road opens up, plenty of room and time to blast past. Give them the time to make a move, get out and look right in the mirror of the outer bike. No reaction. Well, if you won't ..oh apparently you will, right in front of me too! Then you're left with the choice to take a sphincter twitchingly slow overtake behind the rod-jockey or a rapid swerve into the space the aforementioned twitcher was occupying.

If you want a bike as a fashion accessory, fair enough, but I don't remember the last time someone tried to kill me and themselves with a prada handbag.

For these people mirrors are to make the bike look shinier and lifesavers are the wet wipes they carry to remove any flies that are slow enough to leave a scuff on their pristine fairings.

This is becoming a regular issue on my favourite run, they are harder to overtake than the cars or even lorries in my way and are vastly more unpredictable and nervy. Even if you are lucky enough to get by without incident there's another variety club bus load of them round the next bend, and the next.. Enough I say.

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