Top 10s

Top eight unfathomable PR lines from the Cologne bike show

When marketing takes itself too seriously

WE’LL be honest: this isn’t really a ‘top eight’. That would imply we’d selected the absolute worst examples of marketing piffle from press releases issued at this week’s Cologne motorcycle show.

In fact, new bike PR is such a rich source of confusing non-claims that we only had to dip in, grab a few and get out quick.

Here then, in no particular order, are simply eight cases of PR writers needing to perhaps take themselves a little less seriously. We may turn it into a series.  

1. Ducati Scrambler

‘This symbolic opening-up of a "new world" at the end of the press-dedicated day involved both public and media in an original presentation that was fully in keeping with the language and style of this exciting new concept.’

So the presentation was in gibberish too?

2. Ducati Scrambler

'The Scrambler name has much in common with the verb to scramble - mixing up, blending, letting the imagination run free, sharing with others. Ducati Scrambler, the two-wheeled alter ego of those who ride it, is a cultural movement in and of itself. It’s free-spirited, positive and anti-conformist, open to encounters with other philosophies and styles. Ducati Scrambler isn’t just a bike, it’s a world.'

Shooshhhhhh. It’s okay. You’re back from ‘Scrambler world’ now. The nightmare’s over. Have some scrambled egg and never say anything again. 

3. BMW S1000RR

‘In “Rain” mode, output is 138 kW (187 hp) (previously 120 kW [163 hp]), while torque is limited to a maximum of 108 Nm (80 lb-ft).

Well, at least it’s easy to read (it’s not easy to read). 

4. Kawasaki H2 R

‘Powering the Ninja H2R is a supercharged engine with an output in the vicinity of 300 PS.’ 

In the vicinity of impressive.

5. BMW S1000RR

‘The distinctive RR line, which slopes down at the front before rising up steeply from the fuel tank back towards the tail, has been endowed with even more dynamic flair on the new RR. It gives the bike an even more electrifying feel at the same time as dividing it visually into two planes, with the technical area at the bottom and the ergonomic section on top.’

And who doesn’t like a technical bottom area with an ergonomic top section?

 6. BMW R1200R

‘The ergonomically advanced seat forms the basis for a perfect bond between rider and machine, and ensures fatigue-free riding pleasure even on long journeys.’

We want to ride it, not fuse with it.

7. Kawasaki Versys 1000

‘Already a firm favourite with riders who crave the countryside yet also desire a daily rider (sic), the 2015 Versys 1000 proudly represents the next generation of the Kawasaki litre class, four cylinder, any road philosophy.’

How do we allude to off-roading without actually suggesting buyers go off-road? The countryside! That’s it - mention the countryside. And say something about 'any road'. Now give that man a marketing award.

8. Suzuki GSX-S1000F

‘The “RR” in the name of GSX-RR stands for premier class prototype racing machine packed with Suzuki’s advanced technologies.’

Er, no it doesn’t. Then it would be the GSX-PCPRMPWSAT. Based on this PR writer’s verbal diarrhoea, we’re surprised it wasn’t called that.

Want more?

Top 10 interesting Suzukis you might not know about

Visordown readers' top 10 motorcycles

Top 10 interesting Kawasakis you might not know about

Top 10 interesting Yamahas you might not know about

Join the conversation!

Let us know what you think, just sign up for a free account, leave a comment and get involved!
Register Now

Latest Videos

Review
Feature
Feature