Published on another website, but we like it...
This story was published by our friends on motogpnews.com. It's not supposed to be serious:
Fiat Yamaha application form
Now you can take Rossi's space
The expected departure of Vale46 ™ "Fack"© Rossi from the Fiat Yamaha team at the end of the season leaves a dwarf star sized hole in the motogp stratosphere. Popular opinion places Ben Spies firmly in the saddle of the ex-yellow liveried M1, but MGPN can exclusively revel that Yamaha big bosses are worried that Ben doesn't possess the necessary character traits to step up into the role.
"Ben's a great rider" admitted our Yamaha insider, "but he talks English in a funny accent & still lives with his Mum & we're worried that our legions of Rossi fans will be unable to relate to this, especially the Italians"
With both Alonso & Lorenzo proving that winning is not the short cut to cool kudos that it once was, Yamaha have realised that popularity sells & have devised a set of 10 questions that potential applicants must answer in order to demonstrate their suitability to replace Rossi.
We've managed to obtain a set of these questions, giving you the humble armchair world champion a real chance of lining up on the grid next year alongside Casey, Dani & Hor-Hey. With grid numbers expected to be lower than the number of toes on one of Nicky's feet (7), outright riding ability has never been less important, with points being potentially available to every finisher.
Simply complete the questionnaire below & the ride could be yours
(Alternatively, if you have the desire to ride in MotoGP but not the talent you could try emailing pleasedaddyplease@abraham'sgotmoremoneythansense.com)
Q1 What do you like to do away from the track?1 Relax, train, spend time with family & friends2 PR events, interviews, bike shows, meet the fans3 Drive car & tire brands completely un-associated with your employer
Q2 What do you feel the key to success is?1 Hard work & dedication2 Hard work, dedication & the warm smile of lady luck3 The best bike, make sure you have always have the best bike on the grid
Q3 How should the bike be painted?1 How the team decree, sponsorship is the lifeblood of our sport2 I like something personal on there, hidden amongst the sponsors' logos3 Yellow. Fluorescent yellow.
Q4. What do you need to bring with you to win?1 My trainer, personal manager & dietician2 Grit & determination3 The entire crew from my old team, 8000 yellow cartoon stickers & a special 'friend'
Q5 What changes can we make to the bike to help you?1 Lets work towards a base setting that gives us a starting point for each round2 I trust your manufacturing experience to provide the best bike possible3 You must change every single thing that has comprises your corporate identity as a manufacturer, or I'm not even sitting on it
Q6 Where do you live?1 Monaco, ok it's an insular tax haven, but might as well be honest about it2 I live where I grew up, ok tax is high but I'm a home town kinda guy3 I live in a foreign land as a non-national resident & I earn €500pa. Honest.
Q7 You've won the race, how do you celebrate?1 Return to parc ferme, give an interview & thank the team & fans2 Pull some big wheelies & jubilantly spray the champers on the podium3 Keep the entire paddock & TV audience waiting while you arse about on track for 10minutes looking for your mates in the crowd dressed up in silly outfits
Q8 How do you speak with journalists?1 Answer the questions, but don't give anything away that you shouldn't2 Get excited & overjoyed in the heat of the moment thanking everybody3 Swear profusely & use the worldwide media to issue ultimatums to your employer
Q9 Who is the greatest rider of all time?1 Probably Nieto2 Probably Schwantz or Rainey3 Me
Q10 Your entire career has focused on the quality of your rivals & the level of talent you posses in order to beat them. Now we can offer you an equal rival on an equal bike.1 Thank you. My entire legacy rests on the outcome of this challenge2 I've talked some talk, now I just hope I can deliver the walk.3 Leave ASAP to a lesser team in case I end up looking stupid against an equal competitor
Mainly 1s - Thanks Sete, but previous applicants need not apply
Mainly 2s - Nicky, you're a diamond, not what we want, but all the best for the future
All 3s - When can you start?
What utter shite ... particularly question 2 , the Yam was one of the worst bieks on the grid in 2003 yet Rossi got on it and with Burgess/Yamaha help made it what it is today.
And Q7 - that is Lorenzo obviously !
If this is the best you can put in print no wonder the magazine went tit's up.
Posted: 02/08/2010 at 14:55
Posted: 04/08/2010 at 22:45
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