10 things we hate about biking

Motorcycling is great, but it can also be incredibly annoying. Here are ten subjects of biking we like to avoid

Posted: 1 December 2010
by Visordown

British weather

Snow in April and sunburn in November? Oh yes. If the forecast says rain, you don’t bother making any plans and end up spending the day tightening your chain while the rest of the nation goes lobster in a freak heat wave. If the forecast says sun you get just far away enough from your house to guarantee that you will be utterly soaked when the inevitable cyclone comes through. That’s a full seven hours’ of cleaning buggered up in two minutes. Obviously you didn’t bring any waterproofs this morning and now you can’t feel your fingers because it’s 6 degrees and dropping.

Biker meets

The whole point of having a bike is to get out there and ride the bloody thing, be individual, improve your skills and feel like you can do whatever you want, whenever you feel like it. You know this, so why are you drawn like a moth to a flame to your local bike meet? As you arrive that there’ll be 20 riders with the same bike as you, except theirs are all better finished and you’ll never be able to afford the Akrapovic system he’s got. Then some random bastard starts jawing off at you about you’re riding all wrong and all you did was pull into the carpark. And you get done for doing 44mph in a 40 zone on the way home.

Being beaten by a car

You might have 160bhp at the wheel, super sticky tyres and fast group stickers plastered across your headlight. But he has four wheel drive, huge brakes, a meeting to get to and 340bhp. All of which add up to a package that will make mincemeat out of you if you cissy around. While you’re hard on the brakes on the way into a roundabout he will be turning up Girls Aloud with one hand and sending rudey texts to his secretary with the other, all the while filling your mirrors and making you look like a numpty. Best let him pass and look down at the other side of the bike for that ‘problem’...

Biker nods

Who nods first, you or him? And who cares anyway? If everyone nodded at everyone then we would all get along a whole lot better. You have to decide whether to nod or not nod depending on what he’s riding and how you’re feeling. He’s riding a bike clearly inferior to yours but you’re feeling kind so give him the sideways head-tilt that’s currently favoured. And he doesn’t nod back – the bastard! Two miles later and you’re still swearing inside your helmet. You will never nod to anyone again.

Disc locks

Helmet on, gloves on, key in, pull away... and fall off. In front of five people. You must either now pretend it didn’t happen or take a bow for being a complete and utter penis. Now you’ve got a broken clutch lever, a smashed mirror and a scratched fairing panel. Oh, and the disc lock’s smashed your front mudguard. Total bill: £586. How could you forget? You could use one of those coiled-string things that attaches to your handlebars to remind you of its presence, but only girls and city wankers need those. When it’s not causing you to topple over it sits like a lump of lead on your side. Then you return to your bike and someone just nicked the cursed thing anyway. Gnrghh!

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11. Non-bikers who have never even ridden a bicycle let alone a bike, but they know how "dangerous" it is, how one will never make it home when they get on one, how when you hear about an accident with a biker involved it's always his fault, and when you point out the report clearly states that the car turned right in front of the bike on a clear, sunny day on a straight road they say "well the bike must have been speeding then, all of them do", and when you point out that it was a 50cc scooter with a max speed of right about 60 km/h (true story that last one in case you haven't noticed) they will say something else they claim to know about bikes and bikers...

Posted: 01/12/2010 at 16:43

12. The pisshead who staggers up to you on a wednesday afternoon when your just about to set off from work in town and demands that you give him a lift home then when you tell him to bugger off he lets you know that your a **** ******* *** ******** then talks to you about his mates gsxr that he rode 10 years ago at 200mph.

Posted: 05/12/2010 at 03:32

The imperious salesman at the bike show who zeros in on me and says in a mocking tone: Do YOU own a motorcycle?  Two which I reply yes mate, in fact I own two.  

Posted: 05/12/2010 at 04:21

Beaten by a car? Who? No, never experienced that one sorry.

Posted: 08/12/2010 at 14:28


When you get it wrong whilst pretending to be #46, you know the moment as the bikes sliding down the road towards the kurb and lamp post and you’re praying it stops before ‘’’’’’’’ oh shit too late,

looks like I’ll be getting the 2011 model then.

Posted: 08/12/2010 at 21:26

Beaten by a car? once i was on an rxs100 and he was in a wrx subarau, he got away from me after 80mph. had him on the exit of the roundabout tho.

oh damn i've just done a #9!

Posted: 14/12/2010 at 14:10

TerraRoot bet you were on the back wheel the whole way

Posted: 19/12/2010 at 18:04

Only ever been beaten by a car on once. A posy git in a Scoobi. Was evens up to 80 and then he just "went". Don't know what he'd done to it but by f**k did it shift.

Posted: 28/01/2011 at 21:22

Getting togged out in all the leather, helmet, gloves, boots and stuff just to go for a short ride to sort my head out and get stuck at every sodding set of lights on the hottest day since the world began and get home soaked in sweat with a bright red face and feeling like hell......... shoulda just took the car with its sun roof open, the windows down and wearing just a T shirt and shorts.

Posted: 08/02/2011 at 13:21

beaten by a car,,,,,,,,,, never in my Hayabusa 1300

Posted: 11/02/2011 at 02:03

Ooohh yes, the old disc lock trick.

Done it twice now. (And now realise why my mudguard had suspiciously broke).

I hate the nobbers who block you from filtering on purpose. That's right, you double chin in front of me, pretending not to look in your mirrors and no doubt will tell your mates that filetering is illegal and dangerous.

Posted: 04/08/2011 at 14:45

Carrying all the crap around when you've arrived. The helmet, the back protector, the gloves, your leather jacket because it's 100 degrees in the shade, and your rain gear because you know it will rain later and there is nowhere on your sportsbike to put it. And if you left it on the bike, it would be stolen.

The alternative is to have a foul top box or hard panniers, but then your bike looks grim and you wouldn't dare take it anywhere for the shame of being seen on it.

Fact is, being dressed correctly for biking means that you are dressed incorrectly and uncomfortably the moment you get off it.

Posted: 17/09/2011 at 11:27

Whining motorcylists.

Posted: 25/02/2012 at 11:39

Hmm - Biker meets
Fact _ I teach people how to ride bikes for a living.
Why do people get the hump when in answer to " Do you go down the Ace cafe/Box Hill etc. often ? "
I Reply " No I spend all my working life hanging around with wannabees why should I do it in my time off ? "
Why do they take offence ?
Or have I just done a no no?

Posted: 10/07/2013 at 13:27

Not many fella the 90 yo old fart who wears his boater who deliberately swerves time again then accuses you of needing to learn how to ride !!!!

Posted: 10/07/2013 at 16:34

Taxi drivers who cut corners while texting their bit on the side as you approach a junction to turn right . Put u on the floor laugh then drive off ... leaving u to pick ipyyour pride and joy

Posted: 10/07/2013 at 16:40

Not many fella the 90 yo old fart who wears his boater who deliberately swerves time again then accuses you of needing to learn how to ride !!!!

Posted: 10/07/2013 at 16:41

Things I hate No 11: Waiting to get off the ferry when a couple of NUMPTIES insist on revving their engines and hitting the kill switch causing loud backfires from the exhaust scaring the shit out of young kids waiting in their parents car, I feel like grabbing their keys and throwing them in the dock, grrr.

Posted: 11/07/2013 at 12:53

It just grates in hospital dramas when some poor biker has come a cropper and is about to leave the hospital when the doc or nurse says, “…and you won’t be riding a dangerous bike again will you!” why don't they ever say that to a car/van/lorry/forklift drivers, they are involved in far more accidents?

Posted: 11/07/2013 at 13:03

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