10 things bikers do that piss me off

Jon Urry often turns into a seething rage-filled monster when he's on his bike. And what's the cause? Other bikers, that's what...

Posted: 15 October 2010
by Jon Urry

"I'm on the edge, teetering between blind rage and saintly calm. Look out, the next unfortunate who lights my fuse, I'm ready to unleash venom like a barrel of snakes. But what turns me into a seething rage-filled monster? Bikers, that's what. Sometimes they really piss me off! Here's why... " says special correspondent Ron Jury

1. Bikers who stop just in front of me at a set of traffic lights when I've already overtaken them

I've stopped at a set of lights, so why does this idiot feel the need to stop one foot ahead of my front wheel? Is it a sign of machismo? Is this the male biking equivalent of beating his chest and exposing his fangs like a male baboon? Piss off. I overtook you because you were getting in the way, not because I wanted a race. Great, you have a faster bike, well done you. Oh look, you can accelerate faster than me, whoopee. Guess what? Yes, next time we get to some stationary traffic I'm going to get stuck behind you again because you don't know what you're doing. No, I'm not racing, I just want to get to where I'm heading at my own pace, not be held up by your poor filtering.

2. Bikers who spend a fortune on their own kit, give their pillion the leftovers and then ride like a prick

Don't you look great in your new leathers, lid and boots on your new superbike? But what's that you're
pillion's wearing? A 10-year-old lid that's been dropped more times than a whore's draws? What's that
protecting her legs? Sun cream? And you're riding like a pillock. You inconsiderate twat. How would you feel if you crash? Yes, you'll be fine, but what about your pillion? Skin grafts, brain damage, broken bones. It won't be pretty, and neither will she be after a trip down the road with only factor 12 for protection. Pillions are your responsibility. Look after them, ride properly, spend some cash on their kit.

3. Non-filterers

Why ride a bike if you can't or won't filter? Do you like getting wet? Enjoy the cold? What's the point? If you like sitting in queues then drive a car.

4. Bikers on bikes with panniers who won't move out of the way.

If you have panniers on your bike then you're going to be too wide to fit through that gap. But I'm not, so get the hell out of the way! Stop blocking the filtering route while you  sit there waiting for that gap to increase to a size you can get through. Please let me through!

5. Biker cops who pretend to be your mate when they have just nicked you!
You ride a bike, you say? What have you got? One of the lads, eh? A biker too? No, you've just nicked me and given me a twattish lecture for something you're probably going to do on your bike on the way home once your shift is over. Piss off.

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Discuss this story


Pie Master
I think someone needs a hug.

Posted: 15/10/2010 at 12:54


Thomp
Brilliant Article, 99% rings true for me too, quality stuff

Posted: 15/10/2010 at 15:29


Biker Bitch XJR1200

I get mad when male chauvenist male bikers still think that chicks must stay pillions and not riders.  Wake up and smell the chicks exhaust fumes.  We deserve to have a good ride too you know.  Luckily most men accept us chick bikers so we only have a few who are still living in the dark ages.


Posted: 15/10/2010 at 16:06


Laurencio
I agree with you Pie Master

Posted: 15/10/2010 at 16:38


CookieMonster1234

Good article. Another one - bikers that dont thank/acknowledge other riders who pull over to let them through while filtering.

 if I or anyone else - moped rider or 1000000cc super bike pulls over to let you through, then accept the fact they are being considerate towards you - they have increased the length of their journey so you could decrease yours - stick your leg out or put your hand up to thank them, dont rev your engine and race off like a prick.

most people are ok but theres a persistent minority who dont give a fuck about anyone else and they ride like it.


Posted: 15/10/2010 at 20:38


James Mackie
Like!

Posted: 16/10/2010 at 17:34


Jess848
Brilliant, and totally agree with the sentiments.

Posted: 17/10/2010 at 14:03


tappy
Totally agree with all of it - especially muppets that can't / won't filter & get in your way. All except for item 10. Not me - I'm perfect

Posted: 17/10/2010 at 18:48


replica1919
Not forgetting Captain Tinypenis who races away from the lights on his new Superbike (you/me are on an old nail) only to force a real life emergency stop out of you/me as he grabs all the anchors filling his Alpinestars nappy to negotiate the next looooong sweeper in a fifty-pence shaped combination of speed/brakes/speed/brakes thus giving you/me a clear road enabling us to race(?) past at the legal speed limit (probably 30) showering him with sparks and making Captain TP shake with inadequate rage behind his unbugsplattered black visor. ('Cos he's moody with it you know?) Smug? You betcha! 

Posted: 17/10/2010 at 20:40


echoplex
11. Riding with your headlights on full beam all the time. I LOVE being constantly dazzled by the person behind me. I'm sure car drivers, who don't ned any other reasons to hate us, love it too.

Posted: 19/10/2010 at 11:29


jimlindsay
Great story.

Posted: 19/10/2010 at 16:07


TravellingKiwi
I keep thinking I typed this... Agreed 100%... Apart from number 10 that is

Posted: 19/10/2010 at 16:26


tripod_dave

Don't understand 6. Who cares if someone swaps their unused kneesliders for another pair? Fashion accessory? They clearly are for some bikers - what's more they put their 2nd hand unused ones on ebay giving impoverished racers/track dayers access to cheap sliders.

If you're gonna criticise people who buy sliders (even by 2nd hand used sliders to make themselves LOOK as though they get their knee down) perhaps we should address the elephant in the room: people who buy race team replica leathers and have their bikes painted the same. Used to be Rizla Suzuki now its Relentless or Rossi suits. Man, if you buy leathers like that you better be fast. And I mean fast. Knee down on your own drive fast becuase anything else makes you look like a 5 yr old who loves dressing up and then going down the shops dressed as Superman.


Posted: 19/10/2010 at 17:19


rgtay

Why the aversion to paniers?

On most tourers the mirrors are the widest point.  


Posted: 19/10/2010 at 19:34


Gerald Enright

Wow, I did not know that biking was so stressful.  Take a valium, go with the flow and enjoy the ride. 

What others do is just part of the bigger scheme of things.  I never counted how many feet ahead of me someone stops thier bike. I don't give a rats ass if the guy next to me wants to accellerate like a maniac out of lights and wear out his/her tires doing emergency stops.   If the guy ahead of me cannot filter as well as me, que-sera-sera  (what will be, will be) no big deal, it could have as easily be a car too far to the edge of the lane, a dump truck or here in Bangkok, a noodle vendor pushing thier cart.

Good lord man, you are far too focused on the actions of others over the simple joy of riding.  Time for some zen, me thinks.


Posted: 20/10/2010 at 04:00


dont care

number 11:dickheads who slag off any and all just cos it doesnt fit into their tiny selfish little brains.

if you dont like mixing with the ,very varied, human race just go away n top yerself cos at the moment you sound like a whiney spoilt little  wannabee.

have a nice day,


Posted: 21/10/2010 at 09:02


bary scott
number 12 over confident riders who don't consider bikers with not alot of experience and dont have the confidence to filter

Posted: 27/10/2010 at 20:15


Mr Dwarfsack

Wow a couple of guys on here has taken this tongue in cheek rant seriously. 

He acknowledges that he's not perfect with point number 10......or did you not read that far down?


Posted: 27/10/2010 at 21:43


AFKAN

Agree with cookiemonster1234

I'm always pulling over for faster filterers.  Even though I'm no slouch, there's always someone else who's either in more of a rush, has a thinner bike, or is a courier .  When I'm in the car I always make sure I pull over to give bikers a bit more space.  When someone pulls over for me I always give a nod, a thumbs up or a wave.  A little thanks isn't too much to ask is it?


Posted: 28/10/2010 at 14:00


bub chumley
loud pipes piss me off

Posted: 07/11/2010 at 21:12


bmwonder

Great article....i agree with all of them... and at one time or another I am also guilty of several of them.

 11. Riding on full beam all the time. I love being blinded by bikes on full beam in front of behind me. It doesn't make you any safer, it just makes it harder for me, and cage drivers, to tell speed and distance. And it just pisses everyone off. Dip you headlight and use your obs and skills to keep you safe!


Posted: 11/11/2010 at 15:11


kendizx9r

damn i do all those things cos i'm a biker and thats what there for guess he's going to hate me then lol


Posted: 17/11/2010 at 23:02


Almabiker

Great article, take it for what it is.

 Here are 10 things that P*ss me off about car drivers:

 1. Mobile phone users - make the fine £10,000, that'll get them to spend £5 on one of those stupid Star Trek ear piece thingies.

2. Moving over slightly in your Beemer to see if you can see past the 1,000 mile jam you are stuck in, which means your cage is now over the centre line so I can't filter, thanks.

3. Not indicating when turning left, right, at junctions, at roundabouts, in fact, not indicating fulll stop. Imbecile.

4. Not look twice when pulling out of junctions - why oh why do you not do that? Stupid idiot.

5. Amber/Red light jumpers - enough said.

6. Flicking fags out the window - litter bug as well as being dangerous to bikers, especially at night.

7. Not moving over when I'm filtering even though you are over the line, and have plenty of room to move forward and over slightly so I can get past. Thanks.

8. Late braking and stopping over the give way markings at a side road as if you are not going to stop at all, just as I am about to go past the junction on the main road. Nice one. 

9. Riding at me when coming towards me in a narrow road where a bike and car can easily pass one another, yet you still manage to force me to slow down and stop so you can charge past, whilst I'm going uphill. Moron.

10. Duff Duff - I do not want to listen to your stupid music while I'm at the lights, thanks.

Rant over.


Posted: 23/11/2010 at 11:03


01ericd
What a dick

Posted: 02/12/2010 at 22:23


Davey1000
Loud and or missing exhausts.  Seriously, kids round here stole a quad bike from a holiday home in Holsworthy and stashed it in the lane next to my cottage near Bude.  When I examined the machine there was no pipe between the exhaust port and the silencer.  I phoned a friend and he reported that kids had been riding an extremely loud quad bike near his house over most of the weekend! I was tempted to close up the spark plug gap on it to nil but instead I phoned the police.  A day or so later the quad was gone.  Those kids will have polarised hundreds if not thousands of people into hating all forms of bikes. 

Posted: 02/02/2011 at 01:16


The Clang

Hmmm....

Things that piss me off:

1. Drivers who wash their windscreens on a dry day when you are behind them. ('Cos sometimes you are).

2. People who write stuff that they really honestly think then hide behind the 'tongue in cheek' defence when they get caned for it.  

The biking community makes out that it's a big loved up respect-fest, but in reality we all know it's littered with nobbers like this guy. 'Hate this, hate that, I'm perfect but I'd better make light of it because otherwise everyone will hate me'?

If there's any reason to hate yourself mate it's not your riding, it's that you're a bit of a tool.  You sound like you need a few years off riding, then you can come back to it to remember what it's really all about.

End.


Posted: 02/02/2011 at 09:11


rrk2rivera

Good Article. Thanks.

http://movielist.tv/movie-In_My_Pocket.html , http://movielist.tv/movie-The_Wereth_Eleven.html


Posted: 06/02/2011 at 14:38


636Dred

You missed the 'I nodded and he didn't fkin nod back! W**ker!!' LOL I hate that but I have done it myself...not out of ignorance but sometimes Im busy reading the road and riding to nod...still I will never ever nod again because I didn't get a nod back hahahah 

Oh and The Clang I agree - Drivers washing windscreens LMaoooooooo - so annoying

Great article! 


Posted: 20/06/2011 at 19:52


Nick S 10
Bikes kitted like they are going "Long Way Round", but only used in the city.

(to resurrect an old article)

Posted: 06/08/2012 at 10:46

Talkback: 10 things bikers do that piss me off