I've just done a brief survey in my mind and every little department in there agrees that motorcycling consitutes essentially the least cool hobby on earth. After Rugby.
The only thing that keeps it going are the legions of men who don't realise how fucking stupid they actually look.
Most adult males have an innate attraction to tat which is, if not actively breaking out all over their inanely gurning little lives, bubbling away just under the surface like so much supressed herpes simplex.
Merely waiting for a painful divorce, middle age or the purchase of a motorcycle (or, often, all three) to spring back into action and drench the sufferer in shockingly ill-advised dreadfulness of which they often seem to find bizzarely pleasing.
Motorcycles give men an excuse that they can square with themselves to buy the loudest, cuntiest, least well considered tat available, spray their bike in truly arsehole rending, "look at me!" liveries and wobble about the highways of this land stinking the place up visually whilst convincing themselves that other people are impressed.
IME, they aren't. In fact I think if I took a survey of non-bike riders we'd find out that the only people even vaguely interested are those already engaged in polluting the scenery with their appearance when on two wheels.
The only truly decent looking bike gear tends to be plain, simple, understated, classic and not offer a huge amount of protection. The average bike jacket on sale today, to me, marks me out as a plebby mouth breathing bottom dweller at least as effectively as does the average footy top.
And most people in adverts for bike gear just look like cunts, full stop. There is a rather alarming preponderance of "flock of seagulls" haircuts in bike gear advertisments and I've never fully understood how this is still happening. Even Gap would think twice of using models sporting that particular cut because, well, "Wholesome Gay" is not a look they are actively seeking to asociate themselves with any longer. And neither is "Frat Boy Rapist".
The fact that that fucking 'do' is still sneaking past marketing teams is rather worrying...
I mean, when selling anything using models you're not simply selling the product, you're selling the aspiration. That the buyer will wish to place themselves in the skin and the circumstances of the person staring back at them from the magazine page.
In still using frickin Chesney Hawkes-a-likes these adverts are saying to me "I bet you wish you still had enough hair to look like a twat. from the 90s." Well, I have. And I kinda do. So, your move RST.
And this is all when avoiding these 10 "fashion sins" as related above. Sprinkle in a few fat middle aged speccy fuckers who stopped caring about people's perception of them in 1982 and the entire pursuit is dragged down from simply "awful" into entirely deeper levels of atrociousness.
Hi vis. FFS! In terms of increasing the sexiness of biking as a pursuit the fuckers in hi vis are the first ones you'd want to get taken out by a Polish artic driver changing lanes whilst reaching for a wank mag. But no, you can spot these cunts a mile off, making them upsettingly difficult to hit accidentally. And their boner shrivelling appearance mars everyone who enjoys riding equally, whether they dress in flourescent yellow bibs and braced vulcanised waders or not, and must dissuade youngsters away from motorbikes at a distance of 50 fucking yards or more.
Just one fat man with glasses, wearing hi vis and flip front lid and riding a white Pan European at a considerate speed round the bypass, can sour an entire McDonalds car park full of youths and cause women's fannies to clam shut with such force that the tills jump off the counters.
It tak
Posted: 23/04/2012 at 18:15
