10 Crimes against motorcycle fashion

Motorcyclists spend a lot of money and effort on looking good, but there is a small minority who tarnish the coolness by wearing ridiculous gear. Here are 10 fashion don’ts…

Posted: 12 August 2010
by Robin Goodwin

10. Sunglasses under full-face helmets

I understand where the inspiration for this comes from, yes the sun glare is a hindrance and the people that wear this combo obviously feel uncertain about wearing naughty black visors, but the only helmet that it is acceptable to wear sunglasses with are open face helmets, like this handsome rogue. I know it’s easier to carry a pair of sunglasses, I’m only trying to pass on my fashion knowledge and keep you looking good.

09. Fleece over top of one piece leathers

The fastest man in the paddock is ALWAYS wearing a fleece over his one-piece leathers. And he's usually on a GSX-R too. We understand it's cold and we know you're in leathers but man-up! Nothing says 'liability' on a trackday more than the bloke revving his engine in pit lane, wearing a fleece over his leathers, all arms and elbows as he makes his way out onto the track...

08. Long Way Round gear with matching GS

If the journey is across a Bolivian rainforest then the attraction of this adventure gear is somewhat plausible. But the likelihood is that the closest this gear will ever come to nature is passing the park on the commute to a city job! Admittedly Ewan is a dashing gentleman who can be seen in the heart's of wives and in aftershave adverts but in reality you’re not him and as adventurer Lois Pryce points out, it’s unnecessary.

Read on in horror as the countdown continues

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Discuss this story

You forgot the high-vis vest!

Posted: 12/08/2010 at 14:51

And wallets on a chain...

Posted: 12/08/2010 at 15:04

I wear prescription glasses/sunglasses, have an iridium visor, wear a leather waistcoat (of the non-tassled, patched variety) and have a multi-coloured mohawk attached to the top of my lid. And I usually have a chain on my wallet, but it broke a few weeks ago.  Oh, and I ride a Harley with a full face lid... Got a problem with that?

Posted: 12/08/2010 at 15:30

What about all "replica's", especialy the total ones. No, I'm not Valentino, I just wear al his gear, spraypainted my bike and bought the mathcing AGV. But, I still ride like an idiot.

Posted: 12/08/2010 at 15:32

Seriously?  How can you use the word 'fashion' alongside motorcycle.   The clothes are all hideous and seem to be designed by lesbians.  Until Mr Blahnik makes motorbike boots or Gucci make leathers, Prada make helmets, then I forbid the use of the word fashion.  

Posted: 12/08/2010 at 16:00

No - the all-time worst ever fashion disaster is jeans tucked into boots. Fact.

Posted: 12/08/2010 at 18:45

I saw a guy on a scooter the other day with leathers and all.  Where does that fit within this article? 

My addition would be people wearing t-shirts on a street bike. Idiots..

Posted: 12/08/2010 at 21:42

Well I'm guilty of No.10 and No. 2...  The difference with me is that my dark green /white camos don't match the red of my V-Strom.  But do I care? Hell no. 

Posted: 13/08/2010 at 02:54

Rickie Hart wrote (see)

Seriously?  How can you use the word 'fashion' alongside motorcycle.   The clothes are all hideous and seem to be designed by lesbians.  Until Mr Blahnik makes motorbike boots or Gucci make leathers, Prada make helmets, then I forbid the use of the word fashion.

Gucci make leathers..... id rather rip off my cock make a suit out of that.

 Yous sir... are a silly bastard.

Posted: 13/08/2010 at 03:08

It seems to me that there are too many people on the side of the road looking to others passing by riding and throw opinions that really no one cares about. Get on a motorcycle, ride it, enjoy it, and forget about stupidities.

Posted: 13/08/2010 at 14:16

I now have an urge to try & wear everything.....not all at once but I could try hehe

Posted: 13/08/2010 at 15:02

Helmet sticks ons are for cunts.  And as for couples wearing matching clothes - husband's laptop should be checked.

Posted: 13/08/2010 at 21:07

i saw a bloke on a gixxer 1000 the other with a rizla moto gp jacket and light blue camo jeans tucked into boots, he tried to wheelie aswell lifting the wheel about a foot off the ground. ametuers...

Posted: 16/08/2010 at 16:09

Dressing up like a power ranger on a street fighter.

Posted: 16/08/2010 at 21:03

i hate people who dress like rossi 

Posted: 17/08/2010 at 13:51

When you can supply me with a prescription, polaroid visor I'll not need to wear sunglasses. Till then shut up.

Posted: 17/08/2010 at 14:20

'When you can supply me with a prescription, polaroid visor I'll not need to wear sunglasses.

Hear hear!

Posted: 17/08/2010 at 17:57

Though being a biker was all about doing your own thing and giving the finger to silly rules?

Posted: 17/08/2010 at 19:44

What about the tossers that try to look like coppers

Posted: 17/08/2010 at 21:37

Hey, don't knock HiVis vests.  I have been working for months to get my son to wear one for his safety and to ignore the 'it don't look cool' factor.  Fashion needs to come a very distant second to safety, especially when its about one of my boys.  If he stops wearing it now I might just blame you!

Posted: 17/08/2010 at 22:12

I wear prescription, bifocal, reactolite specs.  They go dark when the sun's out.  I can see when I wear them.  I can't see when I don't.  I think I will continue to wear them ... if that's OK with you guys!

Posted: 17/08/2010 at 22:14

Riding about looking like a copper has it's advantages; prat car drivers hogging lane two etc move out of your f**king way.

Posted: 18/08/2010 at 10:58

It has got to be those clowns who dress like Rossi , the full outfit complete with the Fiat spray job on their Yamaha R1 .

Are these clones going to have to trade in their Fiat Yamahas in on Ducatis now ? There is going to be a glut on R1s on the second market early on next year .

Posted: 18/08/2010 at 11:07

I've got a stick on mohawk which occassionally gets an outing and if I cared about what other people thought I'd have a subscription to GQ and not my bike mags!

Posted: 18/08/2010 at 20:32

Personally I dont give a flying F**k what people wear, I'm too busy watching out for cars wagons diesel etc etc etc

Posted: 18/08/2010 at 23:06

Ewan Mcgregor /Charlie  wan a bes. talk about sheep all dress the same ,

Posted: 20/08/2010 at 08:42

I guess if you ride and live in a crappy climate like the UK wearing sunglasses dosn't make sense apart from the 3 or 4 sunny days you get per year.        In countries with hot and sunny climates most riders wear sunnies with thier full face helmets. It's got nothing to do with fashion or what some shallow little fuck whit thinks, its about protecting your eyes . Try riding in slow traffic with the visor down on a hot sunny day or riding on a bright sunny and cloudless sky without sun glasses.

Posted: 22/08/2010 at 11:42

How many times have you ever looked at the rider of a bike & thought, "he looks cool"?  It's the bike that draws the attention. The rider just either looks like a cock, or fits in but never stands out as looking good. Just blend & let your bike do the talking. That way you dont need to change your riding kit every time you change a decal.

Posted: 01/02/2011 at 13:04

Totally agree. I've been known to wear sunglasses on the rare ocasions that the sun's out. I wear a hi-vis vest over my black leather jacket during my early morning or evening commutes to assist in making my presence know to the less observant road-users. I've tucked my jeans into my riding boots when I've not been bothered to change into my leathers for a 5 minute flick to fill up with petrol.I enjoy riding the country roads around North yorkshire but I don't have to get my knee down, (like the twat on a thou gixxer did past me, and I passed him 5 mins later fishing his bike out of a hedge near Skipwith). Bikers come in all shapes, sizes and varieties. Live and let live

Posted: 05/02/2011 at 16:42

I've just done a brief survey in my mind and every little department in there agrees that motorcycling consitutes essentially the least cool hobby on earth. After Rugby.

The only thing that keeps it going are the legions of men who don't realise how fucking stupid they actually look.

Most adult males have an innate attraction to tat which is, if not actively breaking out all over their inanely gurning little lives, bubbling away just under the surface like so much supressed herpes simplex.

Merely waiting for a painful divorce, middle age or the purchase of a motorcycle (or, often, all three) to spring back into action and drench the sufferer in shockingly ill-advised dreadfulness of which they often seem to find bizzarely pleasing.

Motorcycles give men an excuse that they can square with themselves to buy the loudest, cuntiest, least well considered tat available, spray their bike in truly arsehole rending, "look at me!" liveries and wobble about the highways of this land stinking the place up visually whilst convincing themselves that other people are impressed.

IME, they aren't. In fact I think if I took a survey of non-bike riders we'd find out that the only people even vaguely interested are those already engaged in polluting the scenery with their appearance when on two wheels.

The only truly decent looking bike gear tends to be plain, simple, understated, classic and not offer a huge amount of protection. The average bike jacket on sale today, to me, marks me out as a plebby mouth breathing bottom dweller at least as effectively as does the average footy top.

And most people in adverts for bike gear just look like cunts, full stop. There is a rather alarming preponderance of "flock of seagulls" haircuts in bike gear advertisments and I've never fully understood how this is still happening. Even Gap would think twice of using models sporting that particular cut because, well, "Wholesome Gay" is not a look they are actively seeking to asociate themselves with any longer. And neither is "Frat Boy Rapist".

The fact that that fucking 'do' is still sneaking past marketing teams is rather worrying...

I mean, when selling anything using models you're not simply selling the product, you're selling the aspiration. That the buyer will wish to place themselves in the skin and the circumstances of the person staring back at them from the magazine page.

In still using frickin Chesney Hawkes-a-likes these adverts are saying to me "I bet you wish you still had enough hair to look like a twat. from the 90s." Well, I have. And I kinda do. So, your move RST.

And this is all when avoiding these 10 "fashion sins" as related above. Sprinkle in a few fat middle aged speccy fuckers who stopped caring about people's perception of them in 1982 and the entire pursuit is dragged down from simply "awful" into entirely deeper levels of atrociousness.

Hi vis. FFS! In terms of increasing the sexiness of biking as a pursuit the fuckers in hi vis are the first ones you'd want to get taken out by a Polish artic driver changing lanes whilst reaching for a wank mag. But no, you can spot these cunts a mile off, making them upsettingly difficult to hit accidentally. And their boner shrivelling appearance mars everyone who enjoys riding equally, whether they dress in flourescent yellow bibs and braced vulcanised waders or not, and must dissuade youngsters away from motorbikes at a distance of 50 fucking yards or more.

Just one fat man with glasses, wearing hi vis and flip front lid and riding a white Pan European at a considerate speed round the bypass, can sour an entire McDonalds car park full of youths and cause women's fannies to clam shut with such force that the tills jump off the counters.

It tak

Posted: 23/04/2012 at 18:15

Shall we point out your crimes against English grammar?

Posted: 13/08/2013 at 22:40

Am I the only person who is guilty of all 10? As the the camo trousers I like them and will not give them up as I think they make me look hard so less drivers cut me up lol

Posted: 29/09/2013 at 09:56

who gives a rip what anyone else wears, you seriously thought about it enough to make a list! some of the best riders i know could care less about if they're cool looking.

Posted: 11/12/2013 at 13:15

I think Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, and Jeremy Renner know a little more about sunglasses, full face helmets, and fashion.

Not only does it look good IMO but it is a lot more functional than swapping out visors or needing to carry a spare when it gets dark all of a sudden. Also during hot days needing needing to open the visor for venting at a stop and getting blinded. I'm not a big fan of the look of the internal fighter pilot visors either. A good pair of Randolph Engineering Pilot Glasses look and work much better. I like the look of the tinted visor - I just think the alternative could even be considered more fashionable.

Posted: 20/12/2013 at 19:21

comedy knee sliders ffs......there's nothing wrong with any type of knee slider as long as people wear them.
They aren't just there for getting your knee down you know!!! that's not what they were first invented for.
They are there to protect a very painful part of your body making contact with a hard object at high speed so who gives a shit what they look like because im pretty sure a homer simpson faced knee slider looks better that a busted up knee!!!!!!!!

Posted: 13/02/2015 at 07:30

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