SHAKE, RATTLE AND ROLL. No, I’m not referring to the Big Joe Turner hit. I’m talking about what happens when you ride through one of Britain’s legion of potholes.
And following the recent cold spell, it looks like the tarmac is now even tattier, with new crevasses springing up (or sinking down) left, right and centre.
So it’s hardly surprising that the RAC has put together a tongue-in-cheek guide to the Great British Pothole, detailing the boneshaking bastards that you’re likely to come across on your daily ride.
First up is the classic GBP itself, which is likely to leave your bike as devalued as the currency post-Brexit. Described by the motoring organisation as ‘more common in town centres than pigeons’, these holes are often subject to the ‘patch and dash’ repair and never stay fixed for long.
Then there’s the Alcatraz, described as an ‘island’ or ‘cluster of potholes’, which are difficult to avoid due their size, location or number. You don’t want to come across one of these on two wheels else you may come a cropper.
The Slalom meanwhile needs no introduction, and it’s as hazardous for motorcyclists as the race it’s named after is for, well, everyone.
And last but certainly not least comes the Sniper, named for its tendency to appear out of nowhere and take you out. Good luck steering your way through this unholy road mess.
Of course, there’s plenty of other hazardous issues that we face daily on UK roads. Click here to read the RAC’s full guide to shit road surfaces.
And don't forget to report your local 'holes here...