You're right. Just looking at it from what I know. Which ain't much.
The ex wife had a battering of her first husband regularly until someone told her its not supposed to happen. She was very naive. I suppose there still naivegirls out there? 
it isn't that simple. if you take the first hit/beating and think it'll be the only one, your confidence and ability to believe in yourself is eroded. It only takes the belief that the guy didn't mean it/won't do it again/loves her always/want to look after her/etc to make some girl want to try again. You can't believe that the person you thought you loved could possibly really be that violent. So you accept the apology, and life goes back to normal - till next time.
After a couple of next times, you have no confidence, no belief in yourself and so no strength to leave. An awful lot of these guys also put the blame on the woman - if you didn't wind me up/if you had tidied up/if you hadn't looked at me in that way etc. Once you believe it is your fault, you spend all your energy trying to make sure you don't 'cause' another beating.
If kids are part of the family, some women think - he's a good dad, so I can cope with a slap once a week in preference to deprivng my kids of their dad.
Its all horrid, and control is the big part off it. The sadest thing is, once you are in the cycle, it is virtually impossible to find a way out.
My sister married a violent alcoholic. When I found out what was going on I went round and beat the shit out of him and told him I'd be coming back if I heard about any more nonsense. Following week I found out that he beat the crap out of her again and she begged me not to interfere. I went round and really gave him a good hiding. He fucked off and she blames me for wrecking her marriage.
What can you do to help if they wont help themselves?
exaclty what i would've done! nothing like taking justice into your own hands, well we all know the courts would have just given him a slap on the wrist anyway.
nothing but what you did - lifes a bitch huh?
as for Moly - no way is that the first time he's done it, just the first time he's been caught. Sadly, his wife has probably had it drummed into her that she's worthless, ugly, its her fault, she won't be able to survive on her own, she'd have no friends if she left etc etc. There are so many reasons women take the arseholes back. 
And no - its not personal experience of the problem, but having worked in the pub trade for twenty years, you see and hear a lot (the interaction in public before the beating in private is scary and sad), and I have family that have had to 'escape' and who is still trying to keep a drug dealing violent father away from her child
Posted: 11/07/2008 at 17:42
