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Motorcycle news : General news
You are looking at: Home : Motorcycle news : General news

Biker dies, South Yorkshire police appeal for info

Press release from police after biker dies in head on

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Posted: 10 September 2007
by Visordown News

SOUTH Yorkshire Police are appealing for witnesses to a fatal road traffic collision in Doncaster in which a 41 year old motorcyclist died.

The three vehicle collision happened at around 08:40 on Sunday the 9th of September 2007 on the A630 West Moor Link Road, Armthorpe, Doncaster approximately 200 metres west of the junction with Yorkshire Way.

It is reported that a red Nissan Almera car was traveling along the A630 towards junction 4 of the M18 and was in the process of overtaking slower vehicles.

A blue Suzuki SV1000 motorcycle and a Harley Davidson Sportster were both traveling in the opposite direction to the Almera car. A collision subsequently occurred between the Almera car and the Suzuki motorcycle. The debris thrown from the collision impacted the rider of the Harley Davidson, throwing the rider from their machine.

The rider of the Suzuki, a 41 year old man from Armthorpe, sustained fatal injuries as a result of the collision. The rider of the Harley Davidson, a 53 year old woman from Edenthorpe sustained a broken right collar bone and was taken to Doncaster Royal Infirmary, where she was treated and later discharged. The driver of the Almera, a 42 year old man from Scunthorpe, and his front seat passenger, a 22 year old woman also from Scunthorpe sustained minor injuries in the collision.

Witnesses to the collision are asked to please contact the South Yorkshire Police Accident Witness Line on Sheffield 0114 2202970.


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ArticleBot
This thread is for discussion of the article Biker dies, South Yorkshire police appeal for info

Posted: 10/09/2007 at 14:33


DBRacingGod
2/10 for grammar, style and content.
From the top:
"41-year-old"
As this is news you don't necessarily need to give the precise, i.e. time, day, month and year of the accident. Just "it happened on Sunday, September 9" or what have you.
Who says "It is reported"? Did it happened or not, and who says so? The police? A witness?
Stop writing like a policeman giving evidence in court, viz: "It is reported", "...in the process of overtaking", "...a collision subsequently occurred" etc. It's hard to read, uses odd language and looks as though it's been lifted from a press release.
"Impacted" is not exactly in common usage is it?
How many people were on the Harley? One? Then how were they thrown from "their motorcycle"?
I could go on, but I simply suggest you re-do the whole thing and I'll have another look later.
If you want your site to be taken seriously and used as a reliable source of news, then I suggest you start by taking your journalism a bit more seriously first.

Posted: 11/09/2007 at 09:00


Admin
This was written by a policeman. As stated in the deck, it's a press release from South Yorks police. We haven't modified it, we just wanted to get it out there as quick as possible to help this biker's family out. Thanks for the tips, we'll bear them in mind.

Posted: 11/09/2007 at 09:07


Fruit'n'nut
What does "as stated in the deck" mean, and where can one read "the deck"?

Posted: 11/09/2007 at 09:52

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