Funny crash stories and crash styles

Seeing as it has been brought up in another thread , I'd thought I'd start one all of its own

Whats the funniest crash you've ever had, that pub story that everyone tells about you

or whats your crash style? do you have a nickname now after an infamous incident


from superbike slayers thread


I may even have performed some of them myself

so far I have claims to my own named crashes as:

The Ali Airborn shuffle: fly like a butterfly ,land like a sack of spuds
The tarmac inspector; slide along on your belly and helmet chin with your arms out in front

and finally

The Heated Rear Window Head Butt (HRWHB).. self explanatory really , just depends on how much rear window glass you can shower over the dog that's in the back of the car,
theres nothing quite like staring at a labrador's face from 6 inches and all you can think of to say is " hello doggy"

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2002 Husaberg FS650 SM ,full FP,FCR41,loadsa mods,beringer 6pot, 59rwbhp,....Nurse, pass me another Kleenex

2006 Husaberg FS650C WDS air,Ti Akro,tuned motor,slipper, 67rwbhp , forget the Kleenex...gimme the nurse

Thumper
Thumper
Hands up her Jumper
Hump her
Dump her
Wheelie down the road

Muppett Racing Team Member
Pro SM #23
SSM#83

Well my nickname on here comes from an "Incident" one sunny Sunday day when me and my zx-6r departed company at 80mph at a place with the same name as my surname.

Needless to say that I went flying through the air, Superman style (well sort of) and landed on my chest on the top edge of a dry stone wall.

I then did that cartoon slide down the wall to end up lying on the pavement staring at the nice fluffy clouds.

Somehow managed to escape with just bruising....

Anyway, my mates thought it would be nice to frame some of the fairing with a nice caption below:-

Stonewall Surfin'
Jackson Bridge
Date:

It's funny lookin back now...... wasn't lying in hospital for 2 hours on a back board, strapped in, still in my leathers!

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Remember..... He Who Dares, Bins!



Husaberg 650

I out-do my last crash nearly every week riding dirt with my mates.

Favourite one has to be launching myself up the steep face of my MX jump on a 50cc Tomos moped. 6ft straight up, followed by 6ft straight down

Snapped the frame, forks, and handlebars on landing. Best faceplant ever in the history of falling off 2hp bikes, and had the moped bounce off the top of me and cartwheel accross the field.

Dragged it across the field to my workshop and repaired it so i could ghost it onto my favourite tree




Also got my c50 hooked 3ft up the side of a tree last weekend as i ghosted it out of a bomb-hole

I managed the insert and split....

think *shall I buy cigarettes from the petrol station*
Notice brake lights
Brake, lock, brake, lock, brake crumple smash.
Insert motorcycle under back of stationary car.
Launch just before impact, aiming between cars parked parellel in both lanes
Land on knee
roll
stop
realise as you were just about to buy fags, you don't have any the ambulance will be ages
walk into ambulance with paramedics telling you you're fine
Get x-rayed and find a fractured fibula just below the knee, and placters from ass to ankle.





Funniest was attempting a trials section in front of dougie lampkin. I hadn't even seen the section before riding up it...got to the top of a hill, did a 180 turn, headed downhill, realised another 180 turn was needed, and for some reason touched the front brake
wee...bonk...ouch...bonk bugger...

Attempt to cross 10' of bog on my trusty old XL500. Get front end up slightly and its all looking good, back spins dropping front end into bog which is about 3' deep!! Bike stops dead in its tracks, Thumpers over the bars and land head first in stinking bog filling lids in process with rank water. My mate watching said its the funniest thing he has ever seen. Wish we had a camera running, it was one of those moments.

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Try me for Yurakokk Clothing - It's the Future


This week I shall mostly be listening to 'QOTSA' :smoke:

Hmmm, my mates crash at 40mph was good. We was racing through tehtown as you do at 16 years old.Whoops zebra crossing with people on. i braked hard and thanked god for the mighty fizzy drum front brake. My mate just kept going. Went between some pensioners and a pushchair hit the high kerb on the other side. Flipped up in the air. he went one side of a lamp post and his malagutti went the other. He jst layed on te floor motionless. Said he was too embarrassed to move Hes traffic plod now as well!
Worked in a factory just before I left school. Thought I'd go and wring the Fizzys neck at lunchtime. All the factory gurls and wimmen sitting on the wall as I stroll over to the"hog" The kickstart had worn off all teh splines and i had to bump start it. Now at the time, we had a craze of pulling the outer cable out of the throttle cable housing thingy. This meant the throttle was jammed open. Someone had kindly rigged my bike this day.
So here goes Mr Cool. I push teh bike a couple of yards and jump onto it sidesaddle. Feckin thing started and lurched forward. I fell right over the other side of it, and teh bike fecked off into teh cycle shed and wrote off 2 cycles. Boy did I feel and look a compleate twat!!

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Or...for real comedy value try asking a myopic Belgian how he managed to cross to the wrong side of the road and drive head-on into your bike. While you're riding it.
Then ask him again while holding him by the throat, in front of his terrified family, until dragged off by the gendarmes.

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Do you know what 'nemesis' means?
A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt...me.

Most stoopidest.......hhhmmm, 16 years old, living in Welwyn garden city, resplendant with Kenny Roberst Rep Fizzie ( disc brake AND chrome spanny I'll have you know ), had a bet from all the guys I was serving my apprenticeship with that I could scrape the footrests IN THE WET round the roundabout outside the station, so with huge admiring crowd I managed to do just that, and the brake lever, and my arse, elbow, head etc

Most hurtiest,....racing MX about 12 years ago, chasing some guy lap after lap that I couldnt quiet pass, I was a tad quicker in one place only, a bombhole that you jumped down into, then jumped out of, you've guessed it, last lap heriocs, I charge into the bombhole like a man posessed only to find this guy has missed a gear or dropped his chain or summink but basically he's stopped, I decide to bail out rather than head but him, so I dive off right, unfortunately, and I havent a clue how this happened, I get the toe of my MX boot caught between the engine and the down tube of the frame, so the bikes doing cartwheels rotating my foot and lower leg but not the rest of me

I remember the nice doctor getting many many people to hold me down when I got to hospital so they could manipulate it back there and then, I told him how I was gonna come round an set fire to his house and rape his dog etc etc

He replied afterwards " sorry about that but if we'd waiting for an anaestatist you'd have lost your foot"

thank you doctor, thank you doctor, thank you doctor

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Should really change my name to Moto-no-Berg

Taipan wrote

Worked in a factory just before I left school. Thought I'd go and wring the Fizzys neck at lunchtime. All the factory gurls and wimmen sitting on the wall as I stroll over to the"hog" The kickstart had worn off all teh splines and i had to bump start it. Now at the time, we had a craze of pulling the outer cable out of the throttle cable housing thingy. This meant the throttle was jammed open. Someone had kindly rigged my bike this day.
So here goes Mr Cool. I push teh bike a couple of yards and jump onto it sidesaddle. Feckin thing started and lurched forward. I fell right over the other side of it, and teh bike fecked off into teh cycle shed and wrote off 2 cycles. Boy did I feel and look a compleate twat!!

That's got to be one of the funniest stories i've ever heard, i can just see ya now.........
Riding my RD125 one evening i saw a BMW RGS up ahead and had to overtake, he was at the back of a line of 6 cars.So i guns the LC and goes for it, only to realise the 4 wheeldrive and horsebox at the front of the queue is turning right(into a farm lane that i hadn't noticed)
I braked, realised i wasn't going to stop and braked a bit harder losing the front end, slid down the road(losing one of my trainers in the process) and went straight under the trailer.
One of the trailer wheels went over my head putting rubber marks on my lid and i was dragged a little way along by the trailer, the bottom of it was about an inch from my face!
Farmer Palmer get's out an says "Oh my God, he's dead!"
Result was broken collar bone plus lot's of road rash due to the Levis and Kappa jacket, oh and the RD got squashed too!

out blatting round the back lanes, me on the xl, mate on fancy dr,
come round a corner and there's a horse in the middle of a single track lane having a dump, i squeeze the lever hard, cable like a piano wire, lock back end up and come to a halt behind horse.
my mate's bike has a disk up front, grabs handful and down he goes, and proceeds to slide face first thro' the very fresh deposit.
still made him do 2 more lanes before we went home.

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Jonny Boy wrote

That's got to be one of the funniest stories i've ever heard, i can just see ya now.........
Riding my RD125 one evening i saw a BMW RGS up ahead and had to overtake, he was at the back of a line of 6 cars.So i guns the LC and goes for it, only to realise the 4 wheeldrive and horsebox at the front of the queue is turning right(into a farm lane that i hadn't noticed)
I braked, realised i wasn't going to stop and braked a bit harder losing the front end, slid down the road(losing one of my trainers in the process) and went straight under the trailer.
One of the trailer wheels went over my head putting rubber marks on my lid and i was dragged a little way along by the trailer, the bottom of it was about an inch from my face!
Farmer Palmer get's out an says "Oh my God, he's dead!"
Result was broken collar bone plus lot's of road rash due to the Levis and Kappa jacket, oh and the RD got squashed too!

This is the trouble with country lanes. We see them as great playgrounds. Away from all the urban traffic. Unfortunately, they are populated by Animals that leave shit in the roads. These Animals are owned by farmers who plough fields and drive muddy tractors from muddy fields onto "our" roads and leave mud all over our race tracks! Bastids
I was a 350LC owner. I used to regularly ride the thing through country lanes. One day I was riding my fav local road, crest the bridge down the hill, sharpright, left, left, right back up the hill.
Only, I came flying down the hill to see the gate to the field open and the tractor had pulled out onto the road and left piles and piles of wet mud everywhere. No way was I making the corner. The gate to the freshly ploughed field was open though. In I went. I came to a halt fell off into the freshly ploughed troughs and had my LC well and truly stuck in the mud. After a few choice words on both sides, Farmer Giles helped me get the bike out. I then spent ages unclogging all the spokes and chain and sprockets etc until it was ride able. Feckin farmers

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Highside at Reading.
Highside at Llandow, migsy nearly stopped, fearing the worst. 180 degree spin inthe dirt at Llandow again, which I think you saw 3b.
Nearly T boning a U turning dunner, the thought up to that being do I hit dunner or try and stop in that muddy field entrance. I chose the mud, down I went.
Or with dunner again, right hander, get it all wrong and have the choice lay it down or put it in the duckpond. I laid it down and dunner behind me followed.
Or would it be going to meet deaks, pull up outside cafe, lots of people, front brake on, front tyre doesn,t grip on railwayline and down I go.

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www.muppet-racing.com/

ages ago - trying to drive through a 2 foot gap on a 2 foot 6" AP50 at 30 mph - you can guess the rest... riding an ex girlfriends brothers motocrosser down an old railway line - didn't see the single strand of barbed wire that some bastard had strung across the line - luckily I was standing up - " spokey catapult" !! didn't get any sympathy from her either ... recently - went up a steep bank on the quad - got half way and the quad reared up - went backwards and pinned me to a tree upside down - took me bloody ages to get out of that one ...

Only time I've come off on the road was when a dog decided he would see if he could run between the spokes of my alloy front wheel ... bastard dogs.. they shit everywhere too you know ...

Spokey

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Owner of the most immaculate motorcycles since 1979 ....
 

My SS50 set alight while I was ped-wheelying it....

I jumped of the back and had to put out the fire using nature's hose

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Mark

www.freedomfoto.co.uk
Supermotard National Viewing Network
Crash-o-meter „¢ 2004: (but only on 't 'moors)