What's the best way to insult a Scotsman?

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What's the best way to insult a Scotsman?

there's one here at work that's bugging the bejaysus out of me and i want to demolish him in a patronising manner


thanks in advance, huge girly hugs all round and whatnot

easy now andy (not verified)

call him welsh. when he protests say 'well, you all sound the same to me'

Don't insult the twat just send him back to his tribal homeland (that he should never have left in the first place) btw if Scotland is so great wtf don't they stay there. :smoke:

Call him a porridge wog!

Refer to him as Jocky McPloppy to other people but make sure he finds out this how you refer to him.

Tell him to get you coffee ,remind him the Scottish work for us now

bigralphie wrote

Tell him to get you coffee ,remind him the Scottish work for us now

Make a film about one of his country's heroes but cast yourself in the leading role.

Ask him what he's wearing under his skirt

nordyoldman wrote

Don't insult the twat just send him back to his tribal homeland (that he should never have left in the first place) btw if Scotland is so great wtf don't they stay there. :smoke:

Because we need to send people down to run the country..Someone has to be in charge..HTH...

give him this (printed out)

Captain Scarlet wrote

Because we need to send people down to run the country..Someone has to be in charge..HTH...

deuce!

bigralphie wrote

Tell him to get you coffee ,remind him the Scottish work for us now

quite like that

fungus wrote

give him this (printed out)

in a country run by a Scottish minister. Bile yer hieds!

ask/say/ do anything you like, anything can set them off...well balanced people, chips on both shoulders....

Call him English, that always seems to work

Lhibou Sage wrote

there's one here at work that's bugging the bejaysus out of me and i want to demolish him in a patronising mannerthanks in advance, huge girly hugs all round and whatnot

In your circumstances, I would wait until he's asleep, then leave your quarters, go up the back stairs into the main house and leave him a note saying that you're fed up with all this and that you're going back into the woods to be with your own kind.The next morning, his face will be a picture when he realises he'll have to make his own breakfast and dress himself.

MAC wrote

Call him English, that always seems to work

Unless of course you are anywhere else in the world. People ask English? No Scottish, ahhh welcome...

Tell him he's so patronising he's almost English.

Lhibou Sage wrote

there's one here at work that's bugging the bejaysus out of me and i want to demolish him in a patronising manner thanks in advance, huge girly hugs all round and whatnot

Call him English...or Scotch. hth

Fallen Angel wrote

Call him English...or Scotch. hth

I love you.....

Hide his Special Brew/Buckfast/White Lightning/Bells/Park bench!! What'll he do during the day??

Lhibou Sage wrote

there's one here at work that's bugging the bejaysus out of me and i want to demolish him in a patronising mannerthanks in advance, huge girly hugs all round and whatnot

There are plenty better ways to insult someone, than pick on their nationality. Surely he has more weaknesses than being born in a different country than you? eg. is he fat, short, stupid, ginger, big nosed, smelly, bald? Of course these will only work if you're not fat, short, ginger, big nose, smelly or bald.

Lhibou Sage wrote

What's the best way to insult a Scotsman?

Thank him for his generosity.

ask him how copper wire was invented

beep wrote

There are plenty better ways to insult someone, than pick on their nationality. Surely he has more weaknesses than being born in a different country than you? eg. is he fat, short, stupid, ginger, big nosed, smelly, bald?

yes

Popeye wrote

ask him how copper wire was invented

Two Yorkshiremen fighting over a penny

beep wrote

eg. is he fat, short, stupid, ginger, big nosed, smelly, bald? Of course these will only work if you're not fat, short, ginger, big nose, smelly or bald.

Surely simply calling him a scotch twat covers all of them, and some....

how about...make a bold statement about people who come to live in this country should learn the language etc etc....turn to said Scotsman and ask him what they think. when he answers, turn around and say, 'see!! thats exactly what i was on about, learn the fooking language you Scots cnut...'no offense meant or intended to any of the great footballing, French beating, Scottish nation.... It was only a joke.....I love hagis...honest....

Shirley insulting someone because of their nationality is racist?

Yambo wrote

Shirley insulting someone because of their nationality is racist?

only if they complain, or are muslim......

Captain Scarlet wrote

only if they complain, or are muslim......

Sorry to be pedantic but being muslim is a life choice. Being Scotch is just unfortunate.

Isn't being Scotch not punishment enough?

KneeDragonR1 wrote

Isn't being Scotch not punishment enough?

No, not nearly enough.

Yambo wrote

Sorry to be pedantic but being muslim is a life choice. Being Scotch is just unfortunate.

Being muslim has little to do with choice.... Made me laff BTW......

Captain Scarlet wrote

Being muslim has little to do with choice.... Made me laff BTW......

We're laughing at each other then.

Slenver (not verified)

Yambo wrote

Shirley insulting someone because of their nationality is racist?

No, that's insulting someone because of their race. Clue's in the word really..

If he's from Glasgow or Edinburgh refer loudly to him as "just a lowland scot"If he's from the highlands call him a teuchter* *pronounced chewkter

Slenver wrote

No, that's insulting someone because of their race. Clue's in the word really..

Quote

Under the Race Relations Act, it is unlawful to discriminate against anyone on grounds of race, colour, nationality (including citizenship), or ethnic or national origin. All racial groups are protected from discrimination.

From the Race Relations ActHTH

beep wrote

Two Yorkshiremen fighting over a penny

close, but no ceegar ok thenask him what happened when the scotchman dropped a fifty pence coin?

Popeye wrote

close, but no ceegar ok then ask him what happened when the scotchman dropped a fifty pence coin?

it hit the yorkshireman on the back of the head......

Beckers wrote

If he's from Glasgow or Edinburgh refer loudly to him as "just a lowland scot"

Or, more accurately, a "Sassenach!"

If you're Scottish and not ginger, are you a failure?

Go on holiday to Scotland. When you get back start raving about all the wonderful Scottish people you met and how surprised you were by their friendliness and all round niceness having previously only met ex-patriot Scots who are all nasty bastards.

it is donehe is a stricken manhe may turn to drink

Ask him what part of Eire he comes from and whether he was there when they changed over to the Euro. Were there any problems, did things get dearer, etc . . ..

he's scottish, not european

Lhibou Sage wrote

he's scottish, not european

Eire uses Euro currency, LS.

Ask him if all Scotchmen smell or whether it's just him?

Lhibou Sage wrote

it is donehe is a stricken manhe may turn to drink

... and the killer line was ?

Lhibou Sage wrote

he's scottish, not european

he's scotch

rydalong wrote

Eire uses Euro currency, LS.

Eire or scotch - they're all Europeans They're all twats too

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