Crappy chat up lines

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07/06/2007 at 22:19
Prompted by this reply by DS in the "Which VDer has got a fit bird" thread...

D.S. wrote
I went out with a really fucking fit bird one... OMG what a fucking pain in the ass it is, can got for a piss without a dozen chumps trying their luck.


I am moved to ask what totally wanky chat up lines have the ladies (or gents) been subjected to.

For example, my missus is about 6'6" in her heels and *every* single bloke that chats her up can only come out with "aren't you tall" or "what's it like up there in the clouds?" blah blah. Don't people think first, and realise that this might just possibly have been said before and be really tiresome and she is unlikely to find this witty and sit on their face. Like really, really tiresome

Orb the Impaler

TIT#49AA


"Never say die"
07/06/2007 at 22:22
6' 6"!! Wow!! Isn't she tall?

I once tried "What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?" It didn't get me laid.

"You cannot prove the nonexistence of God; you just have to take it on faith." Woody Allen

++?????++ OUT OF CHEESE ERROR. REDO FROM START.
07/06/2007 at 22:24
HB: Wow... Glad you came along.. I need your help moving something...

Curvaceous cutie: Moving what?

HB: About 50ml of sperm seven inches.




Yes... I am indeed single...


"I was suprised at how young you look, and you're much better looking than your
sig pic suggests.... But, yes, you're right, you are socially inadequate." ~ Ceri

"You've not met Ben, have you? When you do, all will become clear..." ~ Nik Samson

"You are the Osama bin Laden of fashion." ~ Splat

"Weirdo" ~ Billie

"Hairy Ben's always right. Never understimate his omnipotence." ~ londongal76
07/06/2007 at 22:30
Agreed. Why can't they come up with something more imaginative like :

"Because you are so tall, it's probable that you'll die young of a heart-related illness. This will help address the current imbalance in the national average male/female mortality rate, and thus ensure that my monthly donation to "Age Concern" gets portioned out equally amongst the sexes, rather than just getting fucking squandered on bottles of blue-rinse". I'm all for spontaneity.


The only chat-up line i've ever used, ever; "I'm not Fred Flinstone, but i'm sure i could make your Bedrock"

Unfortunately this is redundant nowadays, as nobody has heard of Bedrock.
07/06/2007 at 22:36
hmmm I have to admit I used to wait till my mates sent me over to break the ice that way if I got blown out I woudlnt feel so bad, used to apologise and say my mates sent me over etc etc and then just got chatting and it used to work.

Id often throw in something like I know this sounds cheesy but do you lot come here often or something like that

Another cie breaker is pretend you are not from the area or havent been for ages and ask them whats good round here

HTH

EDIT: ermmm bit embarassing but about 8 years ago me and some mates entered a comp on the Page3.com website, best chat up line wins a date with Jodie Shaw... guess who won
07/06/2007 at 22:46
"ello darlin, fancy showing meh ya tits"

it doesn't work



not even on wifey

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d11/popadop/popadop.jpg
credit to isle of & easy now andy for my sig pic.
07/06/2007 at 22:46
"How much for your daughter?"

They call me MISTER Tibbs
07/06/2007 at 22:49
I have had a girl come upto me and say "Those pants look great on you, but they would look better on my bedroom floor".

Worked for me but I'm easy
07/06/2007 at 22:58
demographic wrote
I have had a girl come upto me and say "Those pants look great on you, but they would look better on my bedroom floor".

Worked for me but I'm easy



Waste of a chat up line. If you're already down to your pants then the sex part is pretty much a done deal.

Unless you're American, a flasher or a superhero or something.

They call me MISTER Tibbs
07/06/2007 at 23:09
Hi, I'm shy.... :smoke:

Tricked up K5 Gixxer-6....

07/06/2007 at 23:42
You lot use chat up lines?!

Bless.
07/06/2007 at 23:42
I used to like the old "Giant Polar Bear?" one back in the eighties. Got a few snogs from it.


http://www.visordown.com/members/images/160909/gallery/motovational_futurama_sig.jpg

07/06/2007 at 23:45
Trumps wrote
You lot use chat up lines?!

Bless.



Which reminds me: your latest order of Rohypnol has arrived. Soon as I receive acknowledgement from Paypal, I'll ship the barrels to your usual address.

They call me MISTER Tibbs
07/06/2007 at 23:50
Mr Tibbs wrote
Which reminds me: your latest order of Rohypnol has arrived. Soon as I receive acknowledgement from Paypal, I'll ship the barrels to your usual address.


Cool. Do you still require payment with sheep and KY jelly?
07/06/2007 at 23:54
Trumps wrote
Cool. Do you still require payment with sheep and KY jelly?


No, not since last time when the "flock" you sent me turned out to be a bunch of 1980s car salesmen with their coats on inside out.

They call me MISTER Tibbs
08/06/2007 at 00:05
In the days before i met Wifey, i never said anything to break the ice, the girls would just comment "you've got really good hair"

I know, i know, but it broke the ice and it worked a treat, i still have my hair, tho it's gone a bit gray now ala George Clooney style.

Yes i was shallow.:smoke:

It's only the internet.

08/06/2007 at 00:07
'What you doing tonight sweetheart?'

'Nothing'

'Well go home and have a bath because you bleedin' stink.'

Works all the time.


Visordown - Two Bald Men Fighting Over A Comb
08/06/2007 at 00:10
Watch this

It's only the internet.

08/06/2007 at 04:27
"Does this rag smell like Ether..?"

If I wanted to make a life-long career out of working with the mentally retarded I would have gone into Special Education or opened a Harley Davidson dealership
08/06/2007 at 04:42
'scuse me, you mind lifting your foot? You're standing on my dick.

CEOF.A.G.Co., purveyor ofB.U.G.G.E.R.Y. proud sponsor of M.U.F.F.S.

Product endorsements - sidewinder chains and sprockets



If I'm in front, you must really be shit.
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