Aaaaghhh

25/10/2007 at 10:16

What's the best way of getting the woman who sits at the next desk to actually shut her mouth when she (constantly) chews gum?

Driving me up the wall but I don't know her very well and I'm British and therefore my Frankness Gene is missing.

'Shut yer fucking mouth, that's fucking disgusting' would be my chosen approach if, like her, I was american.

It's one of those awful noises that once you've picked up on it you can't blank out. All I can hear is her slow, sloppy chewing going round my head. This hangover isn't helping either

Marko

25/10/2007 at 10:19

You could always go with the - "Chewing with you mouth open in this country means you are a transexual."

It's only the internet.

RiceBurner

25/10/2007 at 10:20

start making references to the "cud".

If she still doesn't get it, just politely ask her to keep her mouth shut.

if she still doesn't stop, I recommend a pickaxe.

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danh1983

25/10/2007 at 10:21

Chew some gum yourself, take it out put it to one side and chew another piece. Stick this to the other piece, keep going until you've got a ball the size of a gobstopper. Turnn around shove it in her mouth, and tell her to try slopping her chops now.:smoke:

Gibbo

25/10/2007 at 10:27

Cover her next chewy with superglue.

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Lhibou Sage

25/10/2007 at 10:29

"Hi, would you mind closing your mouth when you chew? Thanks <smile>"

25/10/2007 at 10:41

Lhibou Sage wrote

"Hi, would you mind closing your mouth when you chew? Thanks <smile>"

Too obvious

Trouble is, there's just no way of not sounding like an anal prick.

She actually just threw her piece away a few minutes ago. I breathed a sigh of relief. It lasted approximately 2 minutes before she popped another one in.

IIIrd

25/10/2007 at 10:44

sit there wanking.....when she shuts her mouth, stop wanking....
or gaffa tape...
i like option 1 though

O'tooles law. O'toole declared Murphy to be an optimist

25/10/2007 at 10:45

Casually announce that chewing gum contains chemicals which are known to cause bowel problems. And then look at her like you know she's a dirty pooper.

Danny_Two

25/10/2007 at 10:45

Throw a cup of boiling water in her face.

Fallen Angel

25/10/2007 at 10:46

Slenver wrote

What's the best way of getting the woman who sits at the next desk to actually shut her mouth when she (constantly) chews gum?

Driving me up the wall but I don't know her very well and I'm British and therefore my Frankness Gene is missing.

'Shut yer fucking mouth, that's fucking disgusting' would be my chosen approach if, like her, I was american.

It's one of those awful noises that once you've picked up on it you can't blank out. All I can hear is her slow, sloppy chewing going round my head. This hangover isn't helping either

PM me her name and office number - I'll call her and ask her to do it

And email address would also do.

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D.S.

25/10/2007 at 10:47

That would piss me off big style, just tell her to quit it politely or impolitely, depending if you wanna shag her or not...

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nique

25/10/2007 at 10:49

Remind her that RSI doesn't only occur in wrist and finger joints!

And if she persists try farting or burping every few minutes

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--------------------------

25/10/2007 at 10:56

Plenty of good ideas there.

I think I might combine the best ones into the perfect solution. I think I'll gaffa tape her mouth and then throw a cup of boiling water in her face before sitting down to have a wank while chewing a giant wad of gum and telling her that she's a transexual with bowel problems.

That ought to do it.

Skub

25/10/2007 at 11:00

The noises may be preferable to the smell of dogsbreath wafting across.

Suspension settings

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Slarty

25/10/2007 at 11:41

you should make 'comedy' chewing noises, in time with her jaw movements.

Pax

25/10/2007 at 11:47

Slarty wrote

you should make 'comedy' chewing noises, in time with her jaw movements.

That's the one!

Just keep looking at her steadily as you do so, slight smile on your slopping gob. Doesn't appear uptight, slight comedy value. She'll almost certainly notice you looking and chomping and either say "what?", at which point with a slightly abashed smiley expression you say "that's doing my head in". At which point she'll say sorry and stop, unless she's a total cunt, which gives you leave to treat her like shit.

Or she may just stop straight away with a sorry, of course.

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BlaZe

25/10/2007 at 11:56

Good luck, mate. Problem with people like that, IME, they're too bloody thick to take a hint. I invariably find myself next to the office's persistent sniffer (I'm talking about a sniff every 5 seconds the whole bloody day). Chummy inquiries about their health, offers of tissues, nothing works. So you could try being nice and tactful, and then one day just totally lose it and explode in a fit of fury and make a hell of a scene

(but it did work, and, once the tension died down

, she got miraculously cured and hardly ever sniffed again

)
(in my current workplace I've exercise superhuman control, and am rewarded by her being away during my last week here :cool

Orange is the new green.

Bongmonster

25/10/2007 at 11:57

Slenver wrote

Plenty of good ideas there.

I think I might combine the best ones into the perfect solution. I think I'll gaffa tape her mouth and then throw a cup of boiling water in her face before sitting down to have a wank while chewing a giant wad of gum and telling her that she's a transexual with bowel problems.

That's definitely the answer!

We have someone at work who likes to chew with his mouth open, we just told him straight that only farm animals do that and to shut his fucking mouth. Doubt that will work on a woman tho.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Goose1000

25/10/2007 at 12:12

tell her she chews like a cow

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