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goldfish

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goldfish

two goldfish in a tank,one say ":can you drive this!!"

2 fish swimming along & bang into something solid,   one says 'dam'

What do you call a fish with no eyes!
Fsh
Ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Uff!  That last one was off the scale.

A vicar is out for a walk in the country and he sees a pretty little girl walking her dog. "Hello, little girl" he says, "what's your name? "Petal" says the little girl "How did you get such a pretty name" says the vicar  "Well, when my mummy and daddy were courting they sat down under a cherry tree and a petal came flitter flutter down from the tree and landed in my mummy's hair" "That's a very pretty story" says the vicar, "what's you pretty little dog's name?' "Porky" says the little girl "I expect there's a pretty story about his name" says the vicar "Yes" says the little girl "He fucks pigs!" 

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea     (no eye deer, geddit)

A recent survey revealed that 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.

Fluke777 wrote (see)

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea     (no eye deer, geddit)

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs???   Still no idea    I'll get me coat!!!

A vicar has been listening to a lot of fruity confessions and it's made him quite randy so he decides that he should relieve his lusts of the flesh with a nifty fifty. As he reaches the point of no return he hears a young voice say "I saw you!" He looks around and sees a little boy with a scruffy dog and the little boy says " buy this dog for £50 and I won't say anything" The vicar coughs up the £50 and takes the dog home.  He says to his wife "I've bought you this pedigree dog as a present, dear" His wife says "Pedigree? someone saw you coming!" 

A vicar approaches a little boy who's sitting at the kerb, playing in the gutter. Wishing to protect the boy from injury the vicar approaches and on getting closer he sees that the boy has bottle of something beside him. The vicar enquires,"why are you sitting in such a dangerous place child"? The boy replies, "I'm just deciding what to do with this bottle of acid". Taken aback, the vicar says "what you have there is very nasty and not nice to play with, why don't you let me have it". The boy asks, "what will you give me for it"? The vicar offers a small bottle of 'holy water', which prompts the boy to further ask, "what good is that"? The vicar explains, "well, if you splash holy water on to a woman's tummy, she'll pass a baby... at which the boy retorts, "that's nothing, if you splash acid on to a dogs ball's he'll pass a motorbike"! Touche! 

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no balls ?   Still no fcuking idea !

Q What do you call a gold fish with 1eye A GOLDFISH.

how do you turn a Duck into a Soul Singer??? put it in the Microwave until its Bill Withers!   boom boom-tish!

What do you call a man floating on the sea?   Bob

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?   A Fish

Never trust an Atom..... They make up everything!

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says "5 beers, please"

A Classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The Tailor asks "Euripedes?" The professor replies "Yes, Eumenides?"

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?   Cliff

A Buddhist monk walks up to a hotdog stall, and asks "Make me one with everything!"

There are 10 types of people in this world....   Those that know binary... and those that don't.

What do you call two crows on a branch?   Attempted murder.

A group of little kids were outside playing Pirates. Johny runs out and says "can I play" one of the other kids asks where his buccaneers are? Johny replies:- "Under my bucking hat"   Boom Boom.

Two parrots sitting on a perch. One says to the other "Can you smell fish?"

Nutstrangler wrote (see)

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no balls ?   Still no fcuking idea !

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no balls and no ears?       Anything you like, it can't hear you 

What do you call a man with a thousand rabbits up his arse? Warren

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