Talkback: Top 10 tips if you get pulled over

Doesn't stop the copper being a right tit, as we know they all are! And before you all flame me, I ain't ever met a copper who hasn't sped, infringed some road rule and played the fool, so unless the fecker is perfect he/she can s0d off!

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GOD BLESS ENOCH POWELL

KTM LC4 640 SM.

Fairings are for HOMOSEXUALS

Walking in town the other day and I spotted a piece of walking excrement. I pointed it out to the wife. She could not see it. I pointed again but to no avail. I took her right up to it and nearly stepped on it ... oh that she said. No dear, thats a copper.

In response to the "Doing a Runner" Take your helmet off andthen they won't chase you.

Simples...

Take concealed UZI 9mm from waistband.

Click-off safety.

Turn from the hip whilst cocking the weapon.

Say to Officer in a calm, but firm voice ' Give me your clothes, boots and motorcycle'.

Change into his clothing (which will fit, trust me!).

Steal his sun glasses and ride-off.

IF you are a woman...delete the above.

Good looking? flutter your eyelids and say 'gosh isn't it hot today officer'

Plain Jane? Start crying.

Simples!! 

If I can add my two pennyworth - I think owning up to the offence is not always taken as being honest but more as an admission of guilt.

 Here's the problem as I see it. You're doing, say, 39mph in a 30 zone and get stopped. Asked, as you always are, what speed you were doing and replying, "39 miles per hour" can easily be met with, "You've admitted an offence of . . . "

BUT - if you answer "30 miles an hour" you are almost certainly insulting the officer's intelligence and he ain't going to like that.

 For the years I've been riding and driving whenever I have been stopped for speeding - not very often I hasten to add - in answer to the ubiquitous question, "What speed were you doing?" I have always answered, "It wouldn't be in my interest to admit to anything over the speed limit."

I've always been asked the same question again, sometimes worded in a different way, and always answered the same way but the second time added on the words, "I might have been a bit silly (or stupid, or faster than I should, or whatever that acknowledges you weren't doing it right without actually admitting an offence)"

It's worked for me every time. Either I've been very lucky or there is a bit of logic and reason there. You decide. 

HAD TO LAUGH AT THOSE TOP TEN

ONE QUESTION , ARE YOU BECOMING DESPARATE THAT YOU PRINT CRAP LIKE THAT .

THE MAIN ONE IS PASSING THE ATTITUDE TEST , AND LETS FACE IT , IF ITS A BIKE COP THEN YOU STAND A CHANCE . BUT IF ITS  PC SHINNY BUTTONS HE WILL DO YOU FOR AS LITTLE AS NOT WIPING YOUR ARSE PROPERLY

Had to put in here, I was stopped after being clocked at 65 in a 30

The coppers were young, and i simply stopped, turned off the bike, and got off and took my helmet off,

Long story short they let me off, the bottom line being "you want to race around take it on the b roads, not in the middle of a town"

Obviously i was a stupid cunt for doing that and i learnt my lesson, but those "wanker pigs" let me off... if it weren't for their kindness and mercy i wouldn't be riding anymore.

On a gorgeous summer night I clocked the flashing blue lights behind me, the wave from the officer and I pulled over not having a clue what I had done wrong. 2 minutes civility can save a couple of years with no licence (yes I had 10 points at the time) so as usual I removed my bash hat, got off the bike and turned to greet the police officer trying to be non confrontational.


And what a young “jobsworth” I saw he must have been born in the mid 80’s. Blimey I thought, I have library books more overdue than his age! PC Jobsworth informed me I had been pulled for displaying an illegal number plate.


He even tapped the number plate with his biro several times while asking me what was wrong with it, I tried my best not to smirk but I couldn’t hold it. When I explained I thought it was perfectly legible and nothing wrong with it he just went stony faced and reached for his fixed penalty booklet. I straightened up and looked PC Jobsworth in the eye, told him a few home truths about my number plate and he went back to his car with his tail between his legs.
No I don’t have the hypnotic skills of Derran Brown to send him away, so what was this awesome sentence that sent him away, it was this “this number plate has been on the back of this BSA since 1948, it is not against the law for a 50 year old bike to display a black and silver number plate and I wont be replacing it.”


It felt great to be right for a change!!!

I was told this one, biker gets pulled over for speeding.

Copper says “I’ve been waiting here all day to get you”.

Biker says “ Well I got here as quickly as I could Officer”.

Biker was sent on his way after the coopers had stopped laughing.

I have to agree, all the tips mentioned have helped me get off without anything more than a verbal clip round the ear.

Everyone has done it. I was filtering in central london, did a quick lifesaver and passed the cars on the other side of the bollards on a zebra crossing. There were no pedestrians around but the blue flashing lights were just as bright.

Pull over in the indicated location, helmet off, bike off, me off the bike looking the opposite of agro.

Officer: "Do you know why we pulled you over"
Me:"For going the wrong way round the bollards and overtaking on a zebra crossing".
Officer: "yes and you're a f*cking idiot for doing it. Don't do it again *followed by short lecture on why not*".

Me. "yes officer"

Caught red handed doing something ilegal and probably stupid as well.
Let off with a verbal warning, to this day I haven't crossed the bollards or overtaken on a zebra crossing...

I think that is a fair use of the policeman's authority, especially when he could easily have justified something more severe.

Another incident involved my uncle on his Pan European early in the morning heading to marshal a race event.

The policeman stepped out from the verge to cop him with a radar. doing the best part of a ton (on a deserted dual carriageway at 7am on a sunday) he braked a bit but ended up passing the policeman over the limit. He turned round, headed back and spoke to the policeman.

Fair cop, going too fast, the Policeman decided to give him just a warning (less paperwork for him) and then they talked about bikes. The policeman also had a Pan. "what do you think?" he asked my uncle...
"great bike, just makes you ride too fast"
"piss off and ride slower please!"

@fuller, who ranted "I ain't ever met a copper who hasn't sped, infringed some road rule and played the fool, so unless the fecker is perfect he/she can s0d off!" - Are you suggesting they are human?

Tip # 11, which works abroad: Invoke your tourist-zombie rights. You will not believe what I have gotten away with, but still most of the other 10 rules apply. If you fucked up, admit it, don't act stupid or as if the cop is stupid etc. etc. Some rules are different from at home, so pretending you thought they were ok abroad too will often work in your favour. In any case, dealing with a foreigner is a bit more troble than dealing with a local, and cops don't really want to work any harder than you or I do.

Fellatio , your post is daft. Like your name.

Futter, it appears that you are the right tit! It's your attitude towards the Police that make them act like 'tits' towards you! I have only met 1 Police officer who was a bit jobs worthy and even then I didn't get any more than a slight (deserved) bollocking. I have been stopped numerous times (most while in the car, granted) for stupidity such as speed and not wearing belts etc, and in each case they were exactly within their rights to give me much more than I actually got. Mainly due to the fact that I showed respect to them. Contrary to popular belief, they actually do a hard job and deserve our respect, and not have tits like you saying the things that you do. As for them getting away with things themselves? Yes they do. But that's because they know how not to get caught! Maybe you should from them...

But Noddy, did you do a Monica Lewinsky to get let off? I think you should tell us.

 

What a daft name you've got.