Despatch riding: the ultimate test of man and machinery. Armed with four city bikes, can the staff survive London's urban jungle and earn an honest wage?
Being a motorcycle courier is probably one of the hardest and most dangerous jobs in the world, ever. Some may claim that deep-sea fishing for killer crabs in the Arctic Ocean is tough, but I can't see many fishermen surviving the attack of the black cab, the pain of frozen fingers or the wrath of a pissed-off controller. Well, they probably suffer frozen fingers, but you get the idea.
But it's not just a test for man; it's also a supreme test of machinery. Spending all day, every day stopping, starting and dodging (or not) pot holes and traffic is like an urban version of the Dakar Rally. A heavy clutch will destroy a wrist in hours, a lack of turning circle will waste valuable seconds, light and nippy handling is needed to get in and out of gaps, and decent brakes are a necessity for avoiding pedestrians and U-turning cabbies.
So what better test of four very different city-focused bikes than to become couriers for the day? Could Honda's classic city tool, the CBF500, prove that size doesn't matter against Buell's CityX (say it 'City Cross') and could Suzuki's no frills budget GS500 hold its own against the Hornet-derived CBF600?
Under the terrifying gaze of courier company BCCP's controller, the delightfully named 'Punch', four journos turned up for the first - and last - day of real work they will ever do to find the answers to all these questions, plus a few London backstreets they'd never heard of...
London's streets contain my biggest fear on the roads - motorcycle couriers. They're nutters. And they hate other riders who are slower than them. Riders like me. So imagine my 'joy' when I learn that I am to become a motorcycle courier for the day.
Continue the courier bike test - 2/3
A is for 'A' as in to -Z
B is for Black cab
C is for Controller - he is your god
D is for Drop-off
E is for Empty - radio speak, means you've got no jobs on board
F is for Fuel - you'll be using lots
G is for GT550 Kawasaki - a courier's dream machine
H is for Hospital - avoid them at all costs
I is for Insurance - it costs a packet
J is for Jammy git for getting away with that overtake back there
K is for Kit - you'll get need lots to stay warm
L is for Late - don't be
M is for Muffs - as in handlebar
N is for a Nice cuppa
O is for Organ donor - try not to become one
P is for POB - radio speak, 'parcel on board'
Q is for quick - try and be, but see 'H' and 'O'
R is for Rickman topbox, the courier's favourite
S is for standing by and ready for more work
T is for toasty, as in 'warm and...' In winter you'll be wishing you were
U is for U-turn
V is for vehicle - you'll meet lots of 'em
W is for Wait and return
X is for X-rays at the hospital
Y is for Yesterday, as in 'that should have been delivered..'
Z is for 'Z', as in A-to
